2or3Cats

failed exwife, inconsistent writer, hates chicken but not chickens

[2or3Cats @2or3C]

Up all night trying to remember the douche who tried to finger me at the movies in 8th grade

[2or3Cats @2or3C]

Since I suck at internet dating, I've decided to open my initial conversations with "I'm eating nachos and watching Unsolved Mysteries. What you be doing, fool?"

[2or3Cats @2or3C]

Is it ok to eliminate someone if they text "Lol" after every joke? Am I a dating demon?

[2or3Cats @2or3C]

@ThatEricAlper Kids

[2or3Cats @2or3C]

@Thatsit4me

[2or3Cats @2or3C]

Just broke up with a guy who said John Mulaney isn't that funny. It was a non-negotiable.

[2or3Cats @2or3C]

@ThatEricAlper The Stand and Good Omens

[2or3Cats @2or3C]

@cooldog95228 @ThatEricAlper @StephenKing Ohhhh i forgot that one. One of my all time favorites.

[2or3Cats @2or3C]

@ThatEricAlper Jitteebug Perfume, The World According to Garp, Cold Mountain, and The Color Purple

[2or3Cats @2or3C]

@FakaktaSouth @ThatEricAlper I agree. Feel like most of these were pulled from Freshman English class.

[2or3Cats @2or3C]

@ThatEricAlper Dead Like Me

[2or3Cats @2or3C]

I squatted in the woods and a twig gave me The Shocker!

[2or3Cats @2or3C]

@kashmeredanny Yes

[2or3Cats @2or3C]

I want to see a movie where a dying teen isn't amazingly kind and wise beyond their years. I want them to be a petty, nasty, dumb asshole and everyone is a little glad when they die at the end of the movie.

[2or3Cats @2or3C]

I've watched so many Hallmark movies this week, I'm about to quit my job as a hot shot, big city attorney to open up a chocolate shop on a Christmas tree farm under a harvest moon.

[2or3Cats @2or3C]

Just watched a Hallmark movie where this woman gave up her successful New York real estate career to live with this guy in Vermont. They haven't even slept together yet. Gurrrrl wait!! He could have a tiny ding dong.

[2or3Cats @2or3C]

@CrockettForReal But I did the work NOT to get pregnant. That's gotta count for something, maybe Birthday every 5 years?

[2or3Cats @2or3C]

What do you do if you are watching Hallmark movies but you're already a country Christmas tree farmer married to a former big city lawyer?

[2or3Cats @2or3C]

Jeffrey Dahmer stole a mannequin so he could cuddle because most guys he liked only wanted a one night stand. Jeff, I get it, but that's what Ben & Jerry's is for.

[2or3Cats @2or3C]

I learned tonight that Jeffrey Dahmer just wanted to cuddle