Jordan Macias

When life gives you lemons make someone cry.

[Jordan Macias @3lectricBuffalo]

I just found out there is a pool table that you can flip over and also play air hockey.... I could fucking cry rn

[Jordan Macias @3lectricBuffalo]

It's 2017, and I still have no idea what pilates are.

[Jordan Macias @3lectricBuffalo]

Can someone please come up with an offensive term for a straight person, just to even the playing fields and I can say faggot again #equals

[Jordan Macias @3lectricBuffalo]

Pretty Girl: "Hi!"

Le Me: "WHO FUCKING SENT YOU!?!?"

[Jordan Macias @3lectricBuffalo]

It's all in the past. #docbrown

[Jordan Macias @3lectricBuffalo]

@JacksonMacias2 so pissed at you because I was about to tweet: this just in, I'm toasted. But you already killed it with yours. #fuckyou

[Jordan Macias @3lectricBuffalo]

You know you're high when the food in the cartoon you're watching make you hungry.

[MLB Memes @MLBMeme]

Still the best commercial of ALL TIME 💯

[Jordan Macias @3lectricBuffalo]

Bartender: "What can I get you?"

Me: "Gravy."

[Jordan Macias @3lectricBuffalo]

Stickin' with the tweetosphere, Facebook keeps bringing up the past like a pissed off girlfriend. #sorrymark

[Jordan Macias @3lectricBuffalo]

Stoned and alone is NOT the business. #lifeinstructions #please

[Jordan Macias @3lectricBuffalo]

Last time I do shrooms at a drag bar

[Jordan Macias @3lectricBuffalo]

Gentleman's rule: Always drive the prostitute back to her corner, it's called manners. #cmon

[Jordan Macias @3lectricBuffalo]

I've been hearing people say that I've got my whole life ahead of me, for about a lifetime now...

[Jordan Macias @3lectricBuffalo]

I just want a whole chocolate cake. Like right now. #ugh

[Jordan Macias @3lectricBuffalo]

Smart person: "What do you see first, a duck, or a rabbit?"

Me: "Octopus."

[Jordan Macias @3lectricBuffalo]

Got my girl looking like Smeagol after we have sex, hairs all messed up, crawling on the floor mumbling about how she needs a ring...

[Jordan Macias @3lectricBuffalo]

Idk what it is, but when I get high I get really fucking into myself...

[Jordan Macias @3lectricBuffalo]

If I were a Jedi, I'd just make sandwiches from my bed all day and slowly become as fat as Jabba the Hut.

[Jordan Macias @3lectricBuffalo]

#whataboutmensday