Jess Robert

Cartoonist by day, stand up comic by night.
[email protected]

[Jess Robert @4JessRobert]

Home reno is hard. Home reno during a pandemic is harder! Wrote a little thingy about it.

https://t.co/EcLcD5yXJ5

[Jess Robert @4JessRobert]

Bathroom reno this week! Can't wait to have a brand new drain to clog with my pubes 🛁

[Jess Robert @4JessRobert]

Wrote a lil something about my dreams of post-pandy parties in the sun. <3 https://t.co/QGD3il6wXp

[Jess Robert @4JessRobert]

um is it just me or did Gasol get hot over the break? 🔥🔥🔥 #nba #torontoraptors

[Jess Robert @4JessRobert]

anyone else power wash their teeth in the shower with the presure of the water stream? 😬🚿

[Jess Robert @4JessRobert]

Saying you like Portishead is a right of passage that I've used to get into many social circles.

[Jess Robert @4JessRobert]

today I threw my head back and gargled mouthwash so hard that it splashed into my eyes.. how was your day?

[Jess Robert @4JessRobert]

I think we need to retire that part in a movie where the villain drops an important thing and says "Oops. Butterfingers."

[Jess Robert @4JessRobert]

Is there a "How Sane Are You?" test? I feel like I need to see myself on a level of 1-10.

[Jess Robert @4JessRobert]

I wish I was trapped inside with @Yanni so he could play peaceful piano to calm my existential dread.

[Jess Robert @4JessRobert]

My account was hacked. My apologies if you were actually excited about deals on Ray-Bans. I'm not the plug. :(

[Jess Robert @4JessRobert]

Chrono Trigger'ing through the pandemic. I feel you @rejectedjokes

[Jess Robert @4JessRobert]

nice bath RUN IT

[Jess Robert @4JessRobert]

My clump of hair on the wall of the shower looked like a salsa dancer today - is that like seeing Jesus in my toast?

[Jess Robert @4JessRobert]

Am I the only person who doesn't like ensuite bathrooms? Like why do you all want to make brown RIGHT next to where you make love? I'd like to drop my daily shame far away from the bedroom thx

[Jess Robert @4JessRobert]

k so if we are going to have to do the whole apocolypse thing, I call the role of Peddler. i wanna peddle around to different cities selling the townspeople rarities from my travels like tamagotchis and tide pods.

[Jess Robert @4JessRobert]

Sometimes I think about Alex Trebec getting some deserved time off and this pandemic doesn't seem so bad. ❤ @Jeopardy

[Jess Robert @4JessRobert]

Me behaving myself while security guards roam the aisles at the grocery store. #underhiseye #praisebe #maythelordopen

[Jess Robert @4JessRobert]

@JohnMayer 's high note in "In Repair" is getting me through the apocolypse

[Jess Robert @4JessRobert]

@bertkreischer what about Rover Dangerfield, @bertkreischer??