river ig

Muslim | ATEEZ/ZB1/SKZ | 9-1-1 | F1| BL |multifandom |edtwt bmi 21s sw: 76kgs cw:57kg cgw : 52kgs ugw:45kgs(-19/33kgs)

[river ig @73DAYxWALKER]

just omaded about 350 cals worth of chicken breast? (i had two servings of this)

[river ig @73DAYxWALKER]

@diqitalgjr1 low res**

[river ig @73DAYxWALKER]

@diqitalgjr1 im trying so hard to recover from binge/over eating, i always did high res at my worst so now its the polar opposite and im so scared low res is not gonna work, how do i even start to lower my intake from over eating to high res?

[river ig @73DAYxWALKER]

my struggle is that whenever me and him kind of argue is when im being the depressed self loathing person i am, i dont want him to be sick of me, i dont want to push him away that i did everyone (including him back when we were just friends) at the peak of my ed. idk what to do

[river ig @73DAYxWALKER]

it just sucks so fucking much how i don’t have any of what ana is anymore except for the constant guilt food noise and self loathing and body image issues, it makes me feel so invalided that i was only underweight for a short period, that i was only extremely+

[river ig @73DAYxWALKER]

but i don’t believe him, i wish i could see what he sees but i sinply dont and maybe never will, i dont even care if i lose my period again, if my hair starts falling out again, all i was is to achieve the body i’ve always wanted but recovered right before reaching.+

[river ig @73DAYxWALKER]

TICKET TO HEAVEN STARTED AND NOONE TOLD ME??? OMGGG IVE BEEN WAITING FOR IT FOR OVER A FUCKING YEARRR

[river ig @73DAYxWALKER]

just got overwhelmed with a wave of sadness cause i realized my friend group of 4 all have a lot of each other on their highlights and not a single one of them has me and im always the one left out and i have no true close female friends

[river ig @73DAYxWALKER]

it‘s so fucking frustrating bc why did i recover? why did i only recover physically as well? literally noone is gonna realize that all the weight i lost was me being sick and not just a „diet“

[river ig @73DAYxWALKER]

if i don’t reach at least 53kgs by the end of may (~4kgs) I will lose it

[river ig @73DAYxWALKER]

fucking tragic, left was back in november, right is now
I wanna go back lw sorry i called you fat you were everything

[⁎⁺˳✧༚☆ Taemin ☆༚✧˳⁺⁎ @Taelov3forever]

i miss my prime bc wdym i was fasting 72hrs between 300kcal omads 😭😭😭😭😭

[river ig @73DAYxWALKER]

@sekitsuii once did 30k is my prime i miss those days but it isnt even that much but i also did gym

[river ig @73DAYxWALKER]

im coming back after I’ve gained back 8kgs from my lw, im back to where i was in august and i hate myself and can’t get myself back

[✩𝖘𝖙𝖆𝖗𝖌𝖎𝖗𝖑✩ @ec_lips3]

How it feels to go back on edtwt after gaining

[river ig @73DAYxWALKER]

@starvinghaze way more that i’d like to admit

[river ig @73DAYxWALKER]

I‘ve been in such a bad binge cycle as well and his presence is the only thing in a year that has completely taken away the food noises its insane like i dont care about anything else but him rn

[river ig @73DAYxWALKER]

when i haven’t been eating or sleeping but for the first time in years in not because of ana but the fact that my crush (whose one of my cloosest friends) likes me back and i cant stop thinking and talking to hom