THE Burger King

1/4 of @BetterMoviesPod | Recent:

[THE Burger King @ABurgerADay]

Girl are you a hybrid 'cause I can't remember life Prius.

[THE Burger King @ABurgerADay]

Spring forward, fall backstreet's back

[THE Burger King @ABurgerADay]

The Pumpkin Spice channel is just like the Spice channel except that everyone fucks pumpkins.

[THE Burger King @ABurgerADay]

Jets Make Bald Move #NFL

[The Ramshackle Zoo 🦒🐵🐘🐻 @Ramshackle_Zoo]

Some porcupines got into our sheep barn over the weekend.

When we came in this morning, we had a bunch of freshly-knit sweaters.

[THE Burger King @ABurgerADay]

More like Pen Diddy.

[The Ramshackle Zoo 🦒🐵🐘🐻 @Ramshackle_Zoo]

We installed a swear jar to help curb our potty-mouthed parrots before realizing they have no concept of commerce and no way of earning money.

[The Ramshackle Zoo 🦒🐵🐘🐻 @Ramshackle_Zoo]

Tried giving our alpaca The Rachel but she wound up looking more like an Emo Nick Nolte.

[THE Burger King @ABurgerADay]

Good news...

[THE Burger King @ABurgerADay]

The greatest trick the devil ever pulled was convincing the world that an Oasis reunion tour would last more than one show.

[THE Burger King @ABurgerADay]

@MarsMadMichelle Haha, we were there last night! Awesome to see you get up on stage!

[THE Burger King @ABurgerADay]

@aryeh Apparently it's all my fault.

[THE Burger King @ABurgerADay]

Fucked around with Gwen Stefani and found Doubt.

[THE Burger King @ABurgerADay]

What should I name my The Pretenders cover band?

[THE Burger King @ABurgerADay]

Me: *sits down to eat*

My dog: I HAVE TO GO POOP RIGHT NOW!

[THE Burger King @ABurgerADay]

Thank you for your analysis, CNN, but I think it was already pretty obvious who lost the debate last night. (The entire country.)

[THE Burger King @ABurgerADay]

Robert F Kennedy Jr. watching the debate.

[THE Burger King @ABurgerADay]

US Olympic trials, but for presidential nominees.

[THE Burger King @ABurgerADay]

My favorite movie about a blowjob thief is Hudson Hawk Tuah.

[THE Burger King @ABurgerADay]

WOAH

[THE Burger King @ABurgerADay]

[Interview]

Manager: It says here you discovered the element of Cargonium. What's that?

Me: It's what cargo pants and shorts are made from.

Manager: I think we're done here.

Me: Wait! We didn't get to Dadbodium.