Allan Ilavonga

🇰🇪 Teacher

[Pritika @pritika_9]

The biggest skill you can develop is the ability to reset fast. Bad conversation? Move on. Bad day? Start fresh tomorrow. Missed workout? Hit it the next day. Poor decision? Learn and adjust. You can’t control what happens to you, but you control how long you let it affect you.

[George T. Diano @georgediano]

In front of you, ladies and gentlemen, are the great citizens of Kiplombe, Turbo Constituency. The proud, full-time members of the prestigious Tutam Movement, where they specialize in hitting high notes for the Kumi Bila Break Choir. Their voices are so powerful, even the snakes there are at risk of tasting Sayuni's WiFi signal through stampede as they circumnavigate through pangoni.

For those who don’t know, Kiplombe is a humble suburb near Sugoi, the Beverly Hills of Uasin Gishu where the owner of the KBB choir & the president of the New Singapore resides. And as you can see, the Singaporeans from Kiplombe are joyfully marching to the market to buy their daily bread (if the economy allows).

Their journey is made extra adventurous, thanks to their beloved president of the new Singapore who, in his infinite wisdom, sprinkled some water on the road to give them the full Singapore Safari experience,, complete with free mud facials and the latest off-road challenge using their Legxus, Shoebaru & Footsubishi models.

Eighteen months ago, the president of the new Singapore promised them that the contractor was already on site, ready to tarmac over 60 kilometers of road. And indeed, the contractor is on site,, still surveying, still measuring, still calculating, and probably still praying for divine intervention.

But the residents of Kiplombe don’t mind. Walking through mud that reaches the knees is their national sport. As long as their son is the one sitting on the big chair at State House, they’ll keep smiling, singing “Tutam!” while swimming to the market like patriotic hippopotamuses contributing to the blue economy of the New Singapore. Awuoro!!

[ᵥₗₐDᵢₘᵢᵣ Bᵢₙ ₗₐDₑₙ @AndyAndy]

"Out of hatred for the cockroach, the ants voted for the insecticide. They all died, including the housefly that didn't vote."

[MethoDman @polo_kimanii]

Na vile sasa iko vijana,you cannot savings yourself out of poverty. Not in this era,with this inflation rate mtu alisave 1k 2017 sahii value ya thao yake imeteremka to about 600kes. 8 years ago ungewachia bibi elfu moja hamkua mnasumbuana wiki mbili,ata kwa kitanda alikua anajitahidi anakuwekea msuri. Sahii ukiwacha one sausand asubuhi jioni unapata bibi amefura,ati ulimtoa kwa wazazi ukuje kumtesa ukimuachia pesa haitoshi ata salad. Woi! Its very bad maina

Sahii sioni haja ya kusave,its not sustainable. The only thing we can do is live with what we make now. Shida ni niligundua saa ingine living within your means limits you. Hakuna progress inafanyika. Ndio nikasema Ni Lazima pia tushtue umaskini saa ingine,Teremka ngara kule karibu na riverside,nunua key holder ya mercedes, na ngepa ya ferrari na Audi. Hizo hazipiti 250 total

Ikifika ni friday,ingia ile kaclub inaitwa cavalli,pale ndio inakuanga balancing level ya the rich,the almost rich,the wealthy,and the almost poor. Sisi tuko almost poor,yani hatujai lala njaa lakini tunakuanga almost. One wrong move landlord anafunga nyumba. As you raise your arm to call the waiter,make sure keyholder iko katikati ya vidole inaonekana. Also you must have develop a fake love for F1,hii yenye tugari tudogo tunazungukanga kiwanja jamaa zinafraia

You must have a clue about that sport. Utapatana na jamaa huko zinapenda kujichocha,saying things like ‘My audi does like 16k rpm from kile tu westi” waambie ata mercedes yako inakaribia iyo,ni vile tu iko kwa mechanic mkingoja engine mpya itoke germany. In the middle of the conversation,mention what you do,somebody there is guaranteed to say he knows a friend who is looking for a person like you.

Lakini pia lazima ujichunge hawa jamaa msikue mabeste sana mpaka mnaombana loan,juu hawa hawaombangi 10k,ni kuanzia 5 million,wanaiitanga 5 mic. Utatoa wapi 5 million kinuthia from Kinoo? Weeh,chunga sana buana. Wacha wakujue kwa umbali,ata hawajui unaishi wapi,but you’re a cool guy,and although these bagas have very boring conversations you must engage them. Kabla wajue wewe ni the almost poor ulishaapanga mambo yako kitambo. Inaitwa living within and above your means. They don’t teach you this in unifasti buana

[Omwamba 🇰🇪 @omwambaKE]

THE 48 LAWS OF POWER
1.Never outshine the master.
2.Never put too much trust in friends, learn how to use enemies.
3. Conceal your intentions.
4.Always say less than necessary.
5. So Much Depends on Reputation – Guard it with your Life.
6. Court attention at all costs.
7. Get others to do the work for you, but always take the credit.
8. Make other people come to you; use bait if necessary.
9. Win through your actions, never through argument.
10. Infection: avoid the unhappy and unlucky.
11. Learn to keep people dependent on you.
12. Use selective honesty and generosity to disarm your victim.
13. When asking for help, appeal to people's self-interests, never to their mercy or gratitude.
14. Pose as a friend, work as a spy.
15. Crush your enemy totally.
16. Use absence to increase respect and honor.
17. Keep others in suspended terror: cultivate an air of unpredictability.
18. Do not build fortresses to protect yourself. Isolation is dangerous.
19. Know who you're dealing with; do not offend the wrong person.
20. Do not commit to anyone.
21. Play a sucker to catch a sucker: play dumber than your mark.
22. Use the surrender tactic: transform weakness into power.
23. Concentrate your forces.
24. Play the perfect courtier.
25. Re-create yourself.
26. Keep your hands clean.
27. Play on people's need to believe to create a cult like following.
28. Enter action with boldness.
29. Plan all the way to the end.
30. Make your accomplishments seem effortless.
31. Control the options: get others to play with the cards you deal.
32. Play to people's fantasies.
33. Discover each man's thumbscrew.
34. Be royal in your fashion: act like a king to be treated like one.
35. Master the art of timing.
36. Disdain things you cannot have: Ignoring them is the best revenge.
37. Create compelling spectacles.
38. Think as you like but behave like others.
39. Stir up waters to catch fish.
40. Despise the free lunch.
41. Avoid stepping into a great man's shoes.
42. Strike the shepherd and the sheep will scatter.
43. Work on the hearts and minds of others.
44. Disarm and infuriate with the mirror effect.
45. Preach the need for change, but never reform too much at once.
46. Never appear too perfect.
47. Do not go past the mark you aimed for; in victory, learn when to stop.
48. Assume formlessness.

[Office of the 4th President of Kenya. @4thPresidentKE]

STATEMENT BY HIS EXCELLENCY UHURU KENYATTA, C.G.H, FOURTH PRESIDENT OF THE REPUBLIC OF KENYA.

[António Guterres @antonioguterres]

I am deeply saddened by the reports of deaths and injuries - including of journalists and medical personnel - connected to protests and street demonstrations in Kenya.

I urge the Kenyan authorities to exercise restraint, and call for all demonstrations to take place peacefully.

[khalif kairo @KhalifKairo]

To all corrupt leaders looting our counties of the money meant to help kenyans. May cancer be your portion, may your children give you stress, may you never sleep well in those mansions. may you be plagued by stress and may you never know any peace.

[BALDIE @Sir_Sang]

This simple house, a five acre farm, ngombe tatu za maziwa, a wife who is a primary school teacher with one son and daughter and a motorcycle.

Very fulfilling and underated lifestyle this one.

[Allan Ilavonga @allan_ilavonga]

@landoo254 Mateo Solomon😁 i wish he could last alittle longer

[BRAVIN YURI @BravinYuri]

Why do young talented employees all seem to be leaving your company?

This graphic thread might paint a picture.

[CATHY MUTUKU @cathy_mutuku]

Dear parents with students joining form one, if you get the school your child is going and you don't feel pleased with the choice, please don't open that link for downloading the school details because it's going to be hard to get a school, there is something called Nemis

[Dr Branice Munyasa @Branicemercy]

Many people have a hard time making decisions because they don't know what is important.
When you have a clear mission and you are completely sure what is important to you, most decisions become easy. Once you're fully committed, you don't need rules for how to spend your time. It's obvious which decision to make. It's clear what to prioritize.
Many people don't need productivity or time management advice. They need conviction."

James clear

[Allan Ilavonga @allan_ilavonga]

@iamtrevor_k @njambifever Hii ni how much chairman?

[Tom @AiwithVitor]

Do you know that during dialysis, blood is removed from the body through the red tube, passed through the dialysis machine, and then reintroduced into the body system through the blue tube.

This process is repeated for four hours while the patient remains immobile in bed.

The procedure is carried out three times a week, which results in twelve times a month, and each time it takes four hours, which results in a total of forty-eight hours a month.

For those not affected, this process of flushing your kidneys occurs automatically 36 times every day with zero effort or discomfort.
While you are reading this, quit alcohol, quit processed foods, quit junky fries , quit unnecessary use of sugar and importantly hit the gym. All these are easier and cheaper options to keep your kidneys and liver fit.

Always be grateful for good health ❤️

[𝐒𝐢𝐦✞✞✞ @WhoTFissim]

Relationships are for ppl who have their life together. You have no business dating if you're fighting demons... & losing

[Allan Ilavonga @allan_ilavonga]

@bevalynekwambo3 😅 ndio wanakukumbuka Sahi!

[George T. Diano @georgediano]

Hii Nairobi maisha ikikuendea sege mnege, solution niku avoid watu kabisa. So one weekend nimetoka kibarua kwa muhindi kushukisha simiti, lunch walitupea chevda na mirinda, slavery tupu. So nikasema wacha nipitie base nishike virenje kadha atleast nikule chakula descent..

[MAJOR LEAGUE DJZ @MAJORLEAGUEDJZ]

The more you pay attention, the more you realize people don't listen, they just wait their turn to speak.

[KABUGO @Kabugo_]

Son, invest in yourself before you commit to any woman. Buy land before you contemplate having kids. Learn a new skill. Build a support system. I know you'll spend more resources on your family and in-laws. It's understandable. Don't follow crowds. Call me any time. Love you son.