Nice to meet you, I'm Allygator
PNG, pfp, and reference sheet @merowynn
(please go check her out, she's an amazing artist, character designer and all around fantastic person)
Thank you Mero!
https://t.co/C74XiNlN1P
Septemeber 28th is my second year affiliate anniversary. I don't have anything super special planned but I'd love to have you there. 💚 Starting at 10am EST
@daemaldorn Banana mayo is classic Southern food, my dad used to eat that all the time. I think it's an acquired taste or ya had to be raised with it, just like pears and mayo with cheese
When you're on this hellscape of an app sometimes it can feel so suffocating the hate and vitriol.
Just remember in the real world, people are nice, people are happy and there's always a space for you, and places to connect with others.
Seeing people make fun of people's appearance on this app is depressing but don't stop putting yourself out there, fuck these miserable people who never achieve anything other than record levels of filth spewed online. ♥️
ADHD as a VTuber is not “haha I got distracted.”
It’s the stuff people don’t see. Starting late. Dropping a plan you were excited about 10 minutes ago. Opening OBS, then suddenly fixing folders, the model, a thumbnail, and realizing you were supposed to be live already. Hyperfocusing on Warframe for hours and then having nothing left for replies, art, or the next stream. Making a schedule so your brain has a track to follow… then your brain yeets the track.
I want to talk about one part that hits hard and a lot of people still treat like a joke:
Rejection Sensitive Dysphoria. RSD.
RSD is when your brain treats rejection, criticism, or even the idea of someone being disappointed like an emergency. Not “aw that sucked.” More like your chest drops, your thoughts start racing, and your whole body goes into “I messed everything up.”
It can come from a quiet chat. A stream with low numbers. Someone not answering. A collab that didn’t happen. One comment that sits in your head for days. To other people it looks small. To an ADHD brain it can feel huge.
As a VTuber that gets ugly fast, because you put your face, voice, art, and time out in public. Then your brain starts writing stories. “They didn’t show up because I suck.” “That one message means everybody’s tired of me.” “If I go live and it’s dead, I should just stop.”
Sometimes nobody even rejected you. Your brain just filled in the silence and called it proof. That’s the trap. Silence feels like a verdict.
What RSD is not: being dramatic on purpose. An excuse to attack chat. A reason to never take feedback.What it is: an emotional spike that can be way bigger than the moment. Shame that hits fast. The urge to disappear, over-explain, or never try again. A lot of us don’t look “sad.” We look busy, quiet, jokey, or gone.
If you watch streamers, this is the part I want people to understand. Low view nights happen. Delayed replies happen. Someone needing space happens. That does not automatically mean the person failed, the community hates them, or they should be ashamed for existing on stream.
If you have RSD, one cold comment can outweigh 20 kind ones. That’s not logic. That’s the wiring. If you’re the viewer: don’t diagnose people in replies. Don’t say “just don’t take it personal.” Don’t pile on when someone is already spiraling. If you want to help, be clear. Be normal. Don’t turn a late start into a referendum on their worth. A “glad you’re here” does more than a paragraph of advice.
If you have this too: you’re not broken for feeling it that loud. You also don’t have to obey the first story your brain writes.
For me the work is simpler schedules, going live even when confidence is at 10%, not turning every quiet night into “I should quit,” and remembering one stream is one stream. Not my whole value.
Still here. Still streaming. Still figuring it out.🦇
So I've had diagnosed OCD for over a decade now, and sometimes it's manageable, but unfortunately for me today it's not, between all my stress at a job I hate and not sleeping I had a relapse and I'm trying to not be upset. Having to ask a stranger for validation isn't cute or quirky. It just makes me look crazy.