Auren Hoffman

CEO, NQB8. GP, @FlexCapital. fmr CEO, @LiveRamp. loves: crazy ideas, weirdos, and email. host: Summation podcast. reading: @AurenReads

[Auren Hoffman @auren]

Packets are a conspiracy of dentists and dry cleaners — I despise them
I’m a lover … but I hate packets. No, not Internet packets that make TCP/IP go … I like those. I despise the packets that hold condiments. We should outlaw them immediately and jail the inventor.

Let’s start with ketchup. When’s the last time you used just one ketchup packet? I use five just with an order of small fries. So why does Heinz make us go through opening so many of them?

At least Heinz is trying to replace the old traditional packet with a new “dip & squeeze” dispenser. The new tagline “3x more ketchup”!!! Duhhhhh.

Mustard packets are MUCH worse. Don’t get me started. Why is it so much harder to open mustard packets than those of its ketchup cousin? You shouldn’t need to hire a personal trainer just to spread some mustard on your hot pretzel (yeah, new yawker shout-out). The packet almost certainly was designed by the International Association of Dry Cleaners — because 78% of time time, opening a mustard packet results in a huge yellow shirt stain just south of my heart.

Mustard and ketchup are essentially the same substance except ketchup is red and mustard is yellow/orange/brown … well, “mustard.” And why does mustard get its own color while ketchup gets “red”?

When’s the last time you ordered a ketchup-colored sofa, a relish-colored car, or a mayonnaise-colored shirt? Somehow, of all the condiments, mustard reins supreme in the color naming scheme.

What’s up with honey packets?? They are soooo hard to open. It is like Starbucks was so afraid that Winnie-the-Pooh will take over its stores that they designed honey packets to confuse even us less hairy mammals with disposable thumbs.

The ONLY way to open up honey packets is with your teeth. There is absolutely no other way! Which means the first thing you do is start sucking down the sweet sticky substance and immediately forget to put it in your tea. I’m sure honey packets contribute to an average of 0.8 additional cavities per person. Dentists everywhere are rejoicing.

In fact, the Dry Cleaners and the Dentists are secretly the most powerful cabal in the world. Their “Packet Conspiracy” (as the future Tom Hanks movie will be known) has led to billions of people suffering the indignities that come from these little annoying plastic tube thingies.

But my real enmity goes to the soy sauce packets. Each soy sauce packet has just barely enough product to layer on one piece of sushi. That means you need six packets just to eat one order of a California roll. And if they are already making a soy-sauce packet to-go, why can’t they mix in the wasabi so you can apply it right on the sushi?

One observation: until a few years ago, Kikkoman seemed to dominate the soy packet wars. Recently my unscientific survey of cheap sushi and Chinese restaurants has lead me to believe that the aptly named “Kari-Out Co.” is taking serious market share. Anyone know the back-story? Is there a soy sauce gang war going on?

Only about 10% of the soy sauce in the packet ends up on my sushi anyway. 41% gets lost on the plate. 36% ends up on my shirt. Another 23% gets squirted into eye. And yeah, I know that doesn’t add up to 100% but that’s the secret of soy sauce.

Recently I have seen these new soy sauce packets in the shape of little fish. Great. Now my kids can just drink soy cause directly from the container.

It seems soy is dominating everything now-a-days: people are putting it everywhere. “Would you like some more soy sauce with your pickles?” “I’d like a soy and whiskey … on the rocks.” “Cross Pens … now write your love letter with soy sauce.”

I absolutely hate packets …

[Auren Hoffman @auren]

really interesting that AI productivity has not yet trickled down to most businesses yet

[Auren Hoffman @auren]

Love the Naval quote: “if you're really good the network forms around you"
in the past you had to know the right people. not true anymore. if you’re not well connected, focus on becoming incredibly competent and the opportunities will find you

[Auren Hoffman @auren]

A company culture is defined on how you are different, not how you are the same.

[Auren Hoffman @auren]

this book is amazing. now #1 in startups, #1 tech, #1 business bios. wow

[Auren Hoffman @auren]

The Scaling Curve: Dario Amodei, Anthropic, and the Race to Build and Survive Superintelligence https://t.co/NtsoxRH2as loved this biography on @DarioAmodei : was written entirely by 12 indepedent AI researchers

[Auren Hoffman @auren]

we spend 16-22 years training people in school and then they show up to their first job and have to learn everything from scratch.
we built the most expensive training system in history and it trains you for almost nothing you'll actually do.

[Auren Hoffman @auren]

there are three mistakes in venture:
(1)  backing a company that does not work and
(2) passing on one that does.
passing on winners is a MUCH bigger mistake. 

but the BIGGEST mistake: (3) not seeing the deal in the first place

[Auren Hoffman @auren]

every vc should ask: why am i seeing this deal???
the best seed companies raise $3m with $100m trying to get in. if they are letting you put more than your allocation, ask why. Sometimes it is a good reason. But the top deals are ultra competitive

[Auren Hoffman @auren]

most investors get into investing because they are strategic. seed at scale is the complete opposite - completely operational grunt work.
thousands of companies, tons of outbound, hundreds of agents to maintain. 99.8% of investors would hate it.

[Auren Hoffman @auren]

@simonsbookclub @asanwal guilty

[Auren Hoffman @auren]

@OskiHoya3 go Bears!

[Auren Hoffman @auren]

@chriswithans Berkeley is still top 20 - go Bears!

[Auren Hoffman @auren]

@mil000 if it is written on a napkin, it must be true

[Auren Hoffman @auren]

@benryanwriter today it is just top 8 law school

[Auren Hoffman @auren]

@pltgbg @MisterCrazyFace @asanwal also: Cornell is freezing.

[Anand Sanwal @asanwal]

"Unless it's a top university, go to the cheapest one that you like."

This is the right advice for those deciding on which college to attend when thinking about future employment

Going to Boston University or Oberlin just won't matter

h/t @auren

[Auren Hoffman @auren]

The power of saying "never" is just so profound. People should say "never" more often, like "I will never do X thing," even if they kind of want to do that thing.
Saying you will never start a business or never write a novel or never ___, etc., even if it's something that's been kind of in the back of your mind, frees your mind to be more creative and do the things you really want to do.
If something isn't in your top 20, it's okay to say "never." It's also okay even to change your mind. But by saying "never", it allows you to really focus on the things that are most important to you.

[Auren Hoffman @auren]

Whoa!

[Auren Hoffman @auren]

it is a cruel thing to subject employees to bad software like salesforce and workday. software is getting so easy to use that tolerance for bad software has gone down dramatically. your employees deserve better.

[Auren Hoffman @auren]

@ClaytonArnall will do

[Auren Hoffman @auren]

just now discovering the power of building personal chrome extensions
All my life I've been complaining about certain websites not being easy to use or having issues, or the UI having problems. Often I've been sending emails to the product people with suggestions of how to make it better, but (of course) my workflow is different than everybody else's.
now I solve this for myself by just building Chrome extensions that reorder or change the UI in a way that I want. or take data rom two sites and put them together (so no more alt-tabbing). It's really powerful. In the time it will take you to send an email or file a bug to a product person, you can just build a Chrome extension to change any type of site into the way you want it.