Owen Marks

My life is just fascinating.

[Owen Marks @crig]

Just used the slippers my grandmother bought me to kill a cockroach. I think I'm going to die.

[Owen Marks @crig]

@nogoodmayer I only wish *my* personality were so captivating that someone would want to impersonate me on Twitter.

[Owen Marks @crig]

For some reason I've always had dreams of becoming an automobile mechanic. I couldn't ever be one, my father would be disgusted. #secret

[Owen Marks @crig]

Taking the dog for a walk. Maybe this time somebody will notice our matching crochet scarves.

[Owen Marks @crig]

#ThingsIAlwaysAvoid Wilderness. Wilderness. Wilderness.

[Owen Marks @crig]

Thank you, my 35 followers, for caring about what I have to say. I'll have to post some of my poetry sometime as a reward; I'm pretty good.

[Owen Marks @crig]

I think I tasted a hair in the bit of Publix sub I just swallowed.

[Owen Marks @crig]

@CRIG_ I would like to formally apologize for claiming the username "crig" before you. Although different, I consider us "username-mates".

[Owen Marks @crig]

I think Twitter was made with the assumption that normal people do a lot of noteworthy things. What a nice thought.

[Owen Marks @crig]

This new bug spray I got smells so good I might just go outside more.

[Owen Marks @crig]

I started reading an anti-war book the other day. It was an easy read, but it was too boring to finish.

[Owen Marks @crig]

If people learn best from failure, then I guess it's pathetic to say I have above-average intelligence.

[Owen Marks @crig]

I think I'm just gonna listen to John Mayer today, and that's it.

[Owen Marks @crig]

The new girl at the sandwich shop didn't ask what kind of bread I wanted. She gave me wheat. I normally get wheat, but she didn't ask. Hn.

[Owen Marks @crig]

Meddling through the classifieds. I want a job where I get my own cubicle. I don't want to do work, I just want a cubicle to decorate.

[Owen Marks @crig]

The feeling you get after quitting a job is similar to the feeling you get prior to sneezing. I don't know if that's good or bad.

[Owen Marks @crig]

#ilovewhen I see that my bicycle hasn't been stolen, or locked into another person's bike lock when I leave work.

[Owen Marks @crig]

You know those people that always have something nice to say to you? Those are the most unlikeable kind of people. I don't get it.

[Owen Marks @crig]

The doctor says if I don't start working out now, I'll forever be a weakling. Except I think he used the word "chump".

[Owen Marks @crig]

New New Year's resolution: stop making annual resolutions that I can't keep.