Candyce Musinski

standup thundercunt 💥 producer and host of Brooklyn's "Not Right Now Comedy"

[LIT Comedy @LITcomedy]

August is here, which means our birthday show is near! 🥳🎉 Have you RSVPed to our birthday show? @candycemusinsk1 will be the hilarious headliner for the evening! Submit a dare to the players & get #Birthday show tickets ⬇️ #GetLIT21 #comedyshow #comedy https://t.co/1LEBIFWipD

[Candyce Musinski @candycemusinsk1]

Hey fiends! I’m headlining “Happy Birthday, LIT” @LITcomedy 8/8 at 8pm EST via zoom! It’s free or you can donate $15 to the #DareToBeLITStar fundraiser. Get #LITBirthdayShow tickets ⬇️ https://t.co/XXbgv55xGW

[Candyce Musinski @candycemusinsk1]

At what age do we stop waking up with booze next to us? 35? DEAD?

[Candyce Musinski @candycemusinsk1]

Why isn’t the late check out JUST THE CHECK OUT

[Candyce Musinski @candycemusinsk1]

How am I so pretty and have only had ugly dick

[Candyce Musinski @candycemusinsk1]

@Andy @DREWSIDORA @LisaBarlow7 @LisaBarlow7 @Andy This question is for Heather @rhoslcforever - what’s it like having Matthew Mcconaughey as a father?

[Candyce Musinski @candycemusinsk1]

What doesn’t kill me... will probably one day kill me

[Candyce Musinski @candycemusinsk1]

#twittersucks #idontgetit

[Candyce Musinski @candycemusinsk1]

#fucktwitter

[Candyce Musinski @candycemusinsk1]

@whitneywildrose what’s it like to have @MatthewMccon as a dad?!

[Candyce Musinski @candycemusinsk1]

His name was Sleepy Joe CUZ YALL WAS SLEEPIN ON HIM!!!

[Cardi B @iamcardib]

y'all made #WAP amazing!! we’re partnering with Twitter and Cash App to give away a total of $1 million dollars to celebrate all you powerful women out there. tell us why you or a woman you know can use a piece of the $.

drop your $cashtag and use #WAPParty

[Candyce Musinski @candycemusinsk1]

Going on a responsible social distance first date tonight. So when do we FUCK.

[Candyce Musinski @candycemusinsk1]

Lost 25 lbs this quarantine. Still drink like a fish. Fitness plan coming soon. #weightliftwithvodka

[Candyce Musinski @candycemusinsk1]

When we outta quarantine, it ain’t over for you, hoes. It’s over for you, MEN. I’m getting jacked and I will fight you.

[Candyce Musinski @candycemusinsk1]

I used to get a lot more voicemails before all of this. People don’t leave them now cuz we have time to get back to them. Leave the voicemails. I’m still ignoring the calls.

[Candyce Musinski @candycemusinsk1]

We should have a 4:20 for molly and mushrooms. Call it 3:60 because everything comes back full circle. We celebrate at 4pm🤯

[Candyce Musinski @candycemusinsk1]

My comedy goal used to be HBO special. Now it’s narrator on the next #netflix love game show #Toohottohandlenetflix #loveisblind

[Candyce Musinski @candycemusinsk1]

You know those people that are like “everyday is a gift” I wonder where those pricks are right now #Quarantine #coronavirus

[Candyce Musinski @candycemusinsk1]

“Thanks Corona” brought to you by “Thanks Obama”