"The 6th biggest economy in the world is run by infantile fantasists with no understanding of financial markets.... There's nothing progressive about driving the economy of a cliff"📉⛰️
@LiamHalligan @ #BattleFest 2025 "From steel to railways: can the state revitalise British industry?"👨🏭🚆
👇
Dear Prime Minister & Home Secretary,
I hope this letter finds you well, fully caffeinated, and in possession of a calculator.
I’m writing with what I believe is a modest, fiscally responsible proposal. I understand the Government is offering up to £40,000 to certain individuals to voluntarily leave the United Kingdom. First of all — bold strategy. Nothing says “strong borders” quite like a cashback scheme.
Now, I regret to inform you that I am, in fact, a fully tax-paying, law-abiding British citizen. I know — awkward. I appreciate this may disqualify me from the premium exit package, but I’m willing to negotiate.
I would like to formally apply for £35,000 to leave.
You see, unlike some applicants, I haven’t broken any laws to get here. I didn’t arrive by dinghy. I didn’t require processing, housing, or legal appeals. I’ve actually been funding the whole operation through PAYE for years — which I believe makes me a loyal shareholder in this enterprise.
Given that you’re prepared to offer £40,000 for someone to depart voluntarily after entering illegally, I feel £35,000 for someone who’s been here legally all along represents excellent value for money. Think of it as a “Buy British, Get One Gone” discount.
For £35,000 I will:
• Leave quietly.
• Not require a press conference.
• Not demand a diversity officer to wave me off.
• Even carry my own suitcase to the airport.
I may also tweet a polite thank-you note on departure, praising the efficiency of the scheme.
Frankly, it feels like I’ve misunderstood how incentives work in modern Britain. All these years I thought obeying the law, paying taxes, and contributing to society were the winning strategy. Turns out the real pro-move is to arrive unlawfully and wait for a loyalty bonus.
Who knew?
While British families are juggling rent, energy bills, and the weekly food shop like contestants on a dystopian game show, it’s reassuring to know the Treasury has located a spare £40,000 per head for voluntary goodbyes.
May I ask — is there a points card? Ten years of National Insurance contributions and I get a free exit bonus? If so, I believe I’m overdue.
In the spirit of fairness and fiscal responsibility, I am not even asking for the full £40,000. I’m trimming £5,000 off to help balance the books. That’s the kind of responsible budgeting I was raised on.
If successful, I promise to:
• Leave via a scheduled flight (economy is fine).
• Not stage a protest on the runway.
• And refrain from re-entering on a small boat to see if I qualify twice.
All I ask is equal treatment. If departure is now a funded career pathway, I would very much like to submit my CV.
Yours in hopeful relocation,
A slightly confused taxpayer
This is a brilliant evisceration by @JonathanPieNews of Keir Starmer, Peter Mandelson & the hollowed out husk that is the Labour Party - who have grotesquely morphed into a party for the corporate donors and a total betrayal of what they once stood for.
@alexatperch Hi Alex I’m so sorry to hear about the impacts on Perch. We live in Worthing and love your restaurants!
Kris Gumbrell of Brewhouse wrote this article in April saying the same.
https://t.co/RuHXQ9Qfxx
@Nickyhants@SouthernWater Withhold payment until they show genuine investment in sewerage management not spilling into the sea etc. See this site for campaign details @takebackwater
@TweetForTheMany Withhold payment until they show genuine investment in sewerage management not spilling into the sea etc. See this site for campaign details @takebackwater@SouthernWater
@BBCRadioKent Withhold payment until they show genuine investment in sewerage management not spilling into the sea etc. See this site for campaign details @takebackwater