Liam

you can't trust people who drink light beer

[the hype @TheHyyyype]

how to make a poached egg:

1. take an egg

2. [indescribable sorcery]

3. you have a poached egg

[boz @tboz901]

*wakes up*

My brain:
Don’t do it
Don’t do it
Don’t do it
Don’t do it
Don’t do it
Don’t do it
Don’t do it
Don’t do it
Don’t do it
Don’t do it

Me:
*skips class*

[billiam @BillRatchet]

hey christopher columbus explore my fuckin nut sack nerd

[Rich Brian @richbrian]

i need to get a haircut so ill look like a responsible adult that can make decisions under pressure

[Kyle 🌱 @KylePlantEmoji]

FRIEND: my gf has got legs for days

ME: [astonished whisper] night mermaid

[Mr. Gangnam-Frog 🐸 @WhoIsMrWeed]

Dudes will really throw on some cargo shorts, look in the mirror, say “yup” then start their damn day.

[father @father]

Harry Potter and the Audacity of this Bitch

[THE SILVERBACK @RAMIREZ_187]

IF YOU KNOW YOU FUCKING KNOW

[Jules @Julian_Epp]

A cigarette is just an acoustic juul

[Liam @chingdaddy]

@poetastrologers with what's happened to day I need to forgive myself and move on

[brad 💭 @bradnthings]

wife: I'm leaving you

me: why

wife: You keep talking in that mickey mouse voice

me: oh boy

[James @CaucasianJames]

“bro if you don’t chug this beer you’re a pussy”

18 year old me: damn he’s right

[follow @bucksszn @utdlxn]

Tomorrow on Fortnite

[Liam @chingdaddy]

@thenoelmiller YES

[Spock @spockmusic]

sorry I can’t go HAM anymore I went vegan