Penny

[Penny @digitalescape_]

Damn. I might never get married and have kids shits crazy to think about.

[Penny @digitalescape_]

I hold myself back from meaningful relationships because I don’t fully love myself. It’s like idk how to let someone in, to take on another persons feelings and thoughts and account for when my own are in disarray

[Penny @digitalescape_]

I hate vibing and really feeling a girl like it fucks me up cause I’m not where I want to be in life and I just can’t get into a serious relationship while I’m struggling with things like idk

[Penny @digitalescape_]

Went into today with a positive mindset and it was a good day. I won’t ignore my feelings, but I also won’t let them get in the way of being the best me every day

[Penny @digitalescape_]

Yap session is over. Thanks for hearing me x I appreciate you 🤣

[Penny @digitalescape_]

But when spilled milk is subtly becoming a tsunami like why do people feel they can walk over me? sometimes you have to check shit right then and there but there are some things that you have to think/process but me like I get to that point and I just say fuck it and let is slide

[Penny @digitalescape_]

idk I fucking think about people’s feelings and think about situations that genuinely matter or don’t..like I wouldn’t say I’m passive but I just care enough about the person to not make something SOEMTHING bc life’s to short to be mad over spilled milk

[Penny @digitalescape_]

Sometimes it’s hard to speak up for myself…I think deeper about it like no one’s ever given me a platform to speak. Or say no one’s given me the confidence that my voice and the things I say matter…I can’t find my voice and it kills me like I let shit that affects me slide..

[Penny @digitalescape_]

I stay awake scrolling and neglecting the things I want to do in my life why? Why don’t I have the push to get up and get after it for myself bro like I don’t want to be like this my whole life but why is it so fucking difficult

[Penny @digitalescape_]

The biggest fucking issue is I pour so much of myself and energy into my work and people in my life who I engage with, the things I do with those friends and family etc. I give my all to those things I leave no energy for myself. I don’t love myself..

[Penny @digitalescape_]

I must put on the best act in the world. I guess I’m good cause I’m always good right. And I really am good when I think about it right? job, friends and family, roof over my head, car, food…I am okay right? But why do I feel not okay? Why do I feel no one even gives a shit

[Penny @digitalescape_]

There’s days I can’t even hide how drained I am, ppl kick along waiting for me to turn it on like they feel it’s weird that I’m out of energy it’s “not like you” but that’s the realest me you’ll ever see. Just choose to ignore it after I turn on my happy good energy for them

[Penny @digitalescape_]

Always been the one to listen and help people through their problems, does that give a sense of strength and unbreakable emotional/mental state? Like does being the person who’s able to empathize, connect and bring good energy give the impression they have nothing going on?

[Penny @digitalescape_]

I love the people closest to me, my immediate family, close friends but man why do I feel like every interaction lately is just a check point like it’s the same shit over and over.!same convo yet it feels to a point I’m the one driving it and idk man

[Penny @digitalescape_]

I’m not even doing that bad shit I’m alright all things considered I am blessed but no one would know thanks for not asking 🤣And yeah I reach out I’ve always reached out but you stop being the one who calls or texts and see how many people you talk to dwindle down to nothing

[Penny @digitalescape_]

love to be the energy of the room and be the person to bring a smile to your face but fuck that shit is draining. Like people expect me to be what’s best for them and their feelings but don’t give a fuck about mine…no one asks me for real how I’m doing

[Penny @digitalescape_]

I don’t want to be the most important or loved person in the world. I just want the people closest to me, family or friends, colleagues, etc to just fuckinnn idk let me know that I matter at all to them and their life in the slightest

[Penny @digitalescape_]

I’m so tired man