Draggin Father Behind

Dad of 3 under 10 whos at most a 6 with an 11 scale wife just keepin it comical & muddlin thru. Fueled by 🥃 & ☕. Featured on @TheDad, @todayshow, @huffpost

[Draggin Father Behind @DragginFatherB]

Well we're all here, so I'll start: I'm continually bullied by my three year-old

[@sherisayssit @sherisayssit]

I like to keep gps in check by telling her she’s not the boss of me.

[Draggin Father Behind @DragginFatherB]

Our kids walk in the door smelling their mom's experimental cooking <gagging>, first child: “UGH! It smells like bad cheese.” Other child: “No I think it’s rotten eggs.” The last child won’t even come back in the house without his astro-oxygen supply

[Ben Boven @benboven1]

This season on 'My So-Called Renaissance'....

[Draggin Father Behind @DragginFatherB]

"M--. Will is here. He has a sword."
- 8yo casually announcing to her brother the next backyard duel

[My Life As Dad @milifeasdad]

My wife and I play this cute game every time we go out where she picks 2 outfits out and asks my opinion on which looks better, then wears a different one anyway.

[Henpecked Hal @HenpeckedHal]

Saw an Amazon truck drop a kid off at school this morning. Didn't know that was an option.

[Vinod Chhaproo @Chhapiness]

Things you never find once lost
1. Innocence
2. Childhood
3. Chapstick
4. New Chapstick
5. Backup Chapstick

[Draggin Father Behind @DragginFatherB]

Sometimes I wonder how there can be flat earthers, but then I remind myself how my son blamed his last 5 soccer game losses solely on the ref

[Kristen @Kica333]

Anyone else feel like your body is an old phone battery that won’t charge above 20%?

[Eden Dranger @Eden_Eats]

it’s that time of night where I turn off my 13 inch screen and watch my 65 inch screen.

[meghan @deloisivete]

My 5yo ran in during a meeting and asked me to open a bottle of gatorade "for an experiment" and now I'm afraid to leave this room

[Uptown Schmuck @SchmuckOnAHorse]

Whoever said "If you believe it you can achieve it." never tried leaving the house on time with toddlers.

[meghan @deloisivete]

My kid is running around the house with an open umbrella draped across his shoulders and got mad because I couldn't guess he was a *checks notes* vampire blaster mechagodzilla

[Late to the party Laura @ericamorecambe]

I’m starting to worry about my husband’s eyesight. He can’t seem to see that the cutlery drawer is divided into sections.

[Draggin Father Behind @DragginFatherB]

Sometimes I wonder how there can be flat earthers, but then I remind myself how my son blamed his last 5 soccer game losses solely on the ref

[Adam @adamgreattweet]

a haunted house but each room is another meeting that could have been an email

[One Awkward Mom @oneawkwardmom]

world mental health day occurring on prime day means that all those purchases are for the good of your mental health

[Daddy Go Fish @daddygofish]

me: couldn’t find my glasses to do a project, then found my glasses but forgot about the project.

my wife: sounds like you’re playing old man whac-a-mole.