My 77-year-old mother just informed me that she is going to her first "sex party" and doesn't know what to bring.
After some awkward questions, I said, "Gender reveal. You're going to a gender reveal."
There’s people out there who can go through life never apologizing for hurting you, and then there’s people like me who apologize to inanimate objects when we bump into them.
my boss is so stupid, i lie to him constantly and he never figures it out. i'll be like "no problem" "sounds good" "no worries" "you got it" "no sweat" meanwhile it is a huge problem, it sounds like shit, he should be worried, he does not have it, and i am frequently sweating
In 31 years of age I think I’ve finally discovered the cure to depression and it’s just leaving the house at every single possible opportunity no matter how badly you don’t want to.