stupid asshole

the worms are back

[marty @josephlisgoe]

let rip a fart in the public toilet earlier and some kid went 'daddy im scared of the noise'.

[megalomaniac @urauntiesnudes]

call it necrophilia the way I crack a cold one

[Isaac @isaacturnersong]

For sale dead horse never beat

[ً @NotJosephGarcia]

I know a mechanic who claims to have changed the breaks of an alien’s car.

[Dr. Rakesh “Crankin Hog” Chakraborty, esq. @rakesh_cfa]

Finishing dry January with a bar fit check #expand

[John Halo @EpicMasterChief]

I failed out of economics class cause I kept referring to a concept of my own invention called Dominican Returns

[Victoria @arctiquehare]

“Reacted 🍔 to your message”

[julian @YEAROFTHEWIZARD]

An ant made out of electricity

[joy-con eater @foconut_]

she must be coffee the way i’m grinding her bean (?)

[lil stinker @superlameballs]

will the wonders of this world ever cease? my potato has a beautiful supple ass and hips to boot....

[slommy @sammichluvrrr]

just invented a new term ‘that’s boner’… it’s like ‘that’s cunt’ but for boys

[Mcdonald's#1 Wairror unarmed combat @TWOHANDEDSOWRD]

Im letting go of all earhtly attachment exactly like buddha besides the things i like and want

[d @petiteyoungthug]

how do circumcised ppl sneak food into a movie theater

[Pepsi @pepsibong]

Pooping out of my fucking ass

[ELLɅ MɅCHINɅ @orchidcamp]

bf: *trying to break up with me*

me: {loudly, with headphones on} sorry man i dont have any cash on me right now

[matt @mattybtweets69]

The left testicle is the more logical and analytical one. The right is the creative and artistic testicle.