Tess

can pass a Turing test.

[Tess @ess]

Pickle jar openings are suspiciously sized to easily let a moderately sized woman raid them bared handed at close to 1 in the morning.

[Tess @ess]

@rm_rm_rm_rm_rm Stealing "garbage bird website", thank you.

[Tess @ess]

@rm_rm_rm_rm_rm @MetallicaMarli I got this(and a few others) too, I blocked the number this time around. But I'd much rather report them.

[Tess @ess]

Does anyone else drunk call their mum about lasagne?

[Tess @ess]

@meeum Sketch (+InVision) for the basics. Axure for the tricky stuff

[Tess @ess]

Is there a coffee version of "chain smoking"? I need it to describe my life.

[Tess @ess]

@VodafoneAU_Help How about if I ship it to a relative, who could then post it to me, would there be any issues with that?

[Tess @ess]

@VodafoneAU Hi there, Im currently located in the Netherlands for the next few months, but wanted to switch my phone plan to Vodaphone. Can you ship your SIMs internationally?

[Tess @ess]

Sushi-Training the pain away.

[Tess @ess]

Technology always runs better when you make encouraging kissy noises at it.

[Tess @ess]

The eternal question: Am I too drunk to go to the supermarket...?

[Tess @ess]

Millions of years from now, an advanced civilisation will uncover my gif collection and worship me as a god.

[Tess @ess]

I have a sudden and very specific urge to play Diablo II.

I blame the germs on public transport.

[Tess @ess]

My thumb won't unlock my phone because chocolate chip muffin.

[Tess @ess]

I've started giving random cat photos I find on the internet names. #catlesscatlady

[Edward Snowden @Snowden]

Three cats and you're a cat lady, right? But nobody ever called a guy a cat lord. #catlords

[Tess @ess]

When you don't have time for dinner because you're too busy stalking Taylor Swift on Instagram. #firstworldproblems

[Tess @ess]

Using a spoon to cut my Brie because there are no clean knives #justgirlthings

[Tess @ess]

Tore a shoulder muscle & lost the ability to touch my head. Havent washed hair in more than a week. Someone just wrote ‘wash me’ in the dirt

[Tess @ess]

Hamsters are just bunnies without reception.