INSOMNIAC WITH DAVE ATTELL (2001) was basically a man wandering into random cities at 2 AM and talking to whoever was still awake. No polished travel show bullshit. Just Dave Attell, terrible decisions and whatever weirdness the night had waiting.
Resonance, where someone just gets you, is insanely hard to find, especially for those of high intelligence, because it is linked with consciousness and therefore taste. Throw in depth and such resonance feels borderline mythic to encounter. At some point, the question of whether being met at this level is even possible circles the mind, whether your standard for being met is just too high, but you know this isn't true, so you brush it aside.
If you were aware of how texturally different your interior was early in life, you'll feel this existential relief when you finally encounter a soul whom you share high resonance with, as if this weight you didn't know was present has suddenly been lifted. It feels soothing in the depths of your heart and soul because it feels like your epistemic home when all you've known is existential displacement.
The quoted post is bang on. It isn't about perfect on paper or anything according to commonly accepted social paradigms for that matter. If you're attractive, it is relatively easy to attain "the dream", but then again, whose dream? If you were never wired this way to begin with when it comes to everything else, what made you think love would be any different? To be seen, to be understood, I mean truly understood, and to be accepted, is something else entirely.
While there is nuance to this, the more subtle but salient point he also addresses is that the willingness of another to acquire and learn for you actually poetically illustrates the lack of natural affinity. A soul who is of the same constellation carries a certain flavour to their consciousness, a certain texture to their depth and darkness, to how they move through their chosen layers of perceived reality, thus, their way of being means that their lens and metacognitive profile are already primed for a shared field of vision if you are naturally aligned. There is a synergistic, complementary feel to the distilled wisdom and experiential insights because the underlying baseline pattern-spotting architectures mirror one another beautifully. You're not exerting yourself to build bridges either, they're just right there with you already, so much so that it makes you realise the extent to which you were once building towards others just to be somewhat met. These idiosyncratic quirks, subtle yet tectonic in their intrinsic weight, cannot be entirely trained into another or manufactured. Even if they successfully recalibrate to a large extent, what they have organically built up until that point will have been based upon their inherent nature, thus, they will only be at the inception point relative to what you have been honing since birth.
You'll also both be drawn to experiences that echo one another, the track record will be coherent and will prove the same, even if they seem outwardly disparate to others, these lived experiences will share a similar underlying intuitive infrastructure, which you'll both instantly see. And this matters because true experiential comprehension needs to be felt, no amount of hyperphantasia or imaginative prowess can fully replicate the embodied knowing that comes from having been wrung through it.
Another part of why dating is so broken these days is that between dating apps and social media, there’s hardly any chance of slow and continuous discovery and rediscovery
Attraction forms as you slowly peel back the layers of the other person, it keeps you intrigued, it’s like a puzzle that keeps revealing new images, new corners, new dimensions, new paradoxes
The man who is tall on a dating app for example, will often make strides to tell you he is also wealthy; the woman who is attractive will often make strides to indicate to you that she is smart. This is natural human behavior, but due to the frictionless nature of dating apps, people have to drop a ton of information from the outset in order to keep from being skipped or ignored, and in so doing, they essentially take a loan out against the future relationship stability and chemistry to secure the first date or two. Those things that would’ve been mysterious, intriguing, surfacing at the right time and moment, have now been fully illuminated at the beginning, impairing the curiosity that is required for attraction to initiate and solidify
These days, within moments of meeting, you can basically know all you could ever want to know about the other person
Work, hometown, college, interests, trips they’ve been on, hobbies, etc. there is hardly anything left to the imagination, to the process of discovery, and the moment that someone is completely transparent to us (especially in early stages), the fragile spark of attraction often dies
one reason friends-to-lovers is such a powerful arc is lasting love seems to depend on mutual fascination. attraction and compatibility can shift, but love keeps renewing when another person’s inner world still feels endlessly worth discovering
I'm sorry we never got a chance to meet, but getting this note from Dolly really had a an impact on me. She definitely didn't have to take the time to do it. Even for a kid who mostly listened to rap music, she was an icon. A superstar in every sense. Rest easy Dolly. And thank you for the kind words.