Erma Bombeck

[Erma Bombeck @ermabombeck]

I'm always covered in bodily fluids. Just not the fun ones.

[Erma Bombeck @ermabombeck]

A friend never defends a husband who gets his wife an electric skillet for her birthday.

[Erma Bombeck @ermabombeck]

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.

[Erma Bombeck @ermabombeck]

Sometimes I can't figure designers out. It's as if they flunked human anatomy.

[Erma Bombeck @ermabombeck]

There's nothing sadder in this world than to awake Christmas morning and not be a child.

[Erma Bombeck @ermabombeck]

“I take a very practical view of raising children. I put a sign in each of their rooms: ''Checkout Time is 18 years.'

[Erma Bombeck @ermabombeck]

There is a thin line that separates laughter and pain, comedy and tragedy, humor and hurt.

[Erma Bombeck @ermabombeck]

Housework, if you do it right, will kill you.

[Erma Bombeck @ermabombeck]

In two decades I've lost a total of 789 pounds. I should be hanging from a charm bracelet.

[Erma Bombeck @ermabombeck]

A child develops individuality long before he discovers taste.

[Erma Bombeck @ermabombeck]

How come anything you buy will go on sale next week?

[Erma Bombeck @ermabombeck]

I've exercised with women so thin that buzzards followed them to their cars.

[Erma Bombeck @ermabombeck]

It takes a lot of courage to show your dreams to someone else.

[Erma Bombeck @ermabombeck]

I am not a glutton - I am an explorer of food.

[Erma Bombeck @ermabombeck]

My second favorite household chore is ironing. My first being hitting my head on the top bunk bed until I faint.

[Erma Bombeck @ermabombeck]

Did you ever notice that the first piece of luggage on the carousel never belongs to anyone?

[Erma Bombeck @ermabombeck]

I'm going to stop punishing my children by saying, "Never mind! I'll do it myself."

[Erma Bombeck @ermabombeck]

When humor goes, there goes civilization.

[Erma Bombeck @ermabombeck]

Dreams have but one owner at a time. That is why dreamers are lonely.

[Erma Bombeck @ermabombeck]

If you can't make it better, you can laugh at it.