Fesshole🧻

Confess your sins anon - will the internet absolve you?
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[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

Partner was surprised but pleased at my efforts to deep clean the dishwasher on Saturday morning. I did not explain it was because I drunkenly put a load of laundry in it the night before.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I play poker with a bunch of friends once a month. Modest stakes but not nothing. One guy has started to wear sunglasses to be more inscrutable. I tried to tell him I can see his cards reflected in them but he got angry so I've shut up about it. And call nearly all his bluffs.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

Add your fess: https://t.co/uf8uXGiZlT

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I accidentally lost my long-term Skyrim companion, Uthgerd the Unbroken, in Solstheim while doing The Temple of Miraak. She died, and I saved the game by mistake. The grief was profound. Embarrassingly so. I have experienced less devastation at several actual family funerals.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

Married nearly 19 years. I've been a functioning alcoholic maybe 15 or more of those. Now I'm stopping drinking I'm really worried that when sober I don't actually want to be married to her.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

48 years old. Did OK in the city. House, car, place abroad etc. Outwardly perfect life. Truly miserable 90% of the time. Only ever happy when I'm sat on the sofa, just me and the dog - sharing cheesestrings and watching TOTP2 on YouTube.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I've sat in the same seat at my football team for fifteen years. Chatted to the same guys and look forward to it. I have no idea what any of their names are. Can't ask now can I?

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I have a pint glass by the bed for midnight wees. Toilet is down two stories so CBA. So far, have managed to remember to empty, wash and put it away whenever my GF comes over, but I've a feeling its only a matter of time before I hear "what the fuck is THAT" coming from the room

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I tell myself I still love my husband, but I have to face up to the fact that he squirts salad cream onto his pancakes and I don't know what to do about it.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I have worked at my company for more than 3 years. Despite drinking around 4 cups of coffee during the workday I have never bought a single drop of milk. I simply alternate my stealing from different labelled milks in the breakout room, especially directors.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

At work: arse suddenly itched, I scratched, and found fingers covered in shit which I hurriedly wiped on the nearest piece of paper. This turned out to be an important letter for which the boss is still angrily searching.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

My hobby around 1995 was to blink at the same frequency as the clock on the VCR but out of phase, so that I would only see the digits lit up. Spent hours of my life on that.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

Met the love of my life from a reply to a Missed Connection ad in a paper. It was fake but led to a ton of dates. Now happily married 11 yrs to "mysterious brunette in blue top on circle line" and daren't confess the truth. But I suspect she was nowhere near the train either.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I was terrible at words until age 10. Geometry teacher was aghast when I said 'circumcise a circle.' Yeah, circumscribe but you try long words at that age.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

We were shown a safety documentary about the dangers of sniffing glue and solvents. We wanted to try it but had no knowledge of what to buy so we tried 'huffing' the vapours from a spray can of Easy Cheese. Didn't get high. Had to eat the 'cheese' evidence as well. Fail.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

Let it out at Fesshole. Go to this link and type your horrible sins: https://t.co/uf8uXGiZlT

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I work in complaints and I've seen a massive rise in A.I. I have started using a script that I put in the letters I issue that tells their A.I to agree with my resolutions as fair and its purely to keep my pay-out numbers down, two can play that game dickheads.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

I stood on Bradley Walsh's foot on the Underground. I apologised but I don't think he heard me and I wake up sometimes and am kept awake by the thought he thinks I'm a C U Next Tuesday because he shot me a look when he got off.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

Pissing off the top of a cliff, into a fjord, is one of the most exhilarating things you can do with most of your clothes on. When you realise that you're being watched from the other side of the fjord it becomes even more exhilarating. Fortunately, we never met them.

[Fesshole🧻 @fesshole]

First time DIY tiler. If, by some freak of nature, there is someone out there less experienced than me, may I offer one piece of simple advice. DO NOT mix the adhesive and grout the night before to 'save time'.