ori

17 | he/they | bpd vent | i don't tw anything

[ori @heyorio]

@copedoll when i dropped my irl ed friend for other reasons i actually felt like some sort of weight was off my shoulders??? even though i swear we werent competitive

[ori @heyorio]

well its been a hot second ! ... i have definitely recovered from most of my ed by now so not too sure what to do with this account

[ori @heyorio]

when i was inpatient the other day they weighed me w shoes and clothes on and i was like 57kg and i fully believed i was like 65 or smth so uhhh thats nice i guess

[ori @heyorio]

tonights bpd rage ended with me breaking many dishes and sobbing uncontrollably that my chest now hurts
my poor parents, i will never forgive myself for the stress i put them through im such a horrible person

[ori @heyorio]

@HAYFALTK had*

[ori @heyorio]

@HAYFALTK i has this situation as well

[ori @heyorio]

heyyyyyyyyy update i had to take a nice lil visit to the mental health unit and during the isolation and being in a gown with a tv playing pitch perfect on loop i have done a lot of pondering on life

[ori @heyorio]

banging headache and i just want to cry again im sso upset about so many things when will i ever catch a break i just want to die

[ori @heyorio]

i had the worst bpd rage i had in a minute a couple days ago screaming shit like "im gonna kms" and i deadass threw up on the floor and my parents wrre just so shocked and im so fucking embarrassed about it !!!!!!!!!!!! theyre out here spoiling me just so i dont run on the road

[ori @heyorio]

got a lot of tlc from my bf to last me a minute, i really needed it

[ori @heyorio]

ive been feeling so disconnected from myself lately lol, ppl will say my name and ill just think its another person

[ori @heyorio]

finally told my mom i was suicidal and the limits have been Placeeeddd👍🏾 shes scared of me being out on my own now

[ori @heyorio]

like my thighs have gotten HUGE and i jus look at them in the mirror and im like "oh damn" but like.. avtually continue on ab my day Lol????

[ori @heyorio]

im honestly so disconnected from reality that i dont care what my physical form looks like and i am just accepting things, yeah maybe itll hurt like a bitch when i ground myself but its nice not wanting to sob over just looking in the mirror. its nice to cry over other things

[ori @heyorio]

guess whose been fighting suixidal thoughts All month 🤣

[ori @heyorio]

i am genuinely so suicidal

[ori @heyorio]

I FEEL LIKE A FUCJNG HORNY DOG

[ori @heyorio]

i was tryng so hard to pay attn to the way i chew and how fast i ate and even the fucking food i ordered and how many sips of water in between bites and freaking out ab how they r seeing me and it was just. Not needed

[ori @heyorio]

i ate out for dinner with my friends today and one of them just casually brought up a story of their friend who got hospitalized for anorexia nervosa as if i wasnt alrdy struggling to eat in front of them Lol!

[ori @heyorio]

everyday i get more suicidal and also more horny, its odd