JoblessJim

Currently between jobs | Tweet to stop the boredom | Will try and say funny things | Half cousin of Xena, Princess Warrior | #unemployed

[JoblessJim @Jobless_Jim]

When you touch somewhere and it hurts, and then all you do is keep touching the same place making sure it still hurts
#ThatShouldHaveAName

[JoblessJim @Jobless_Jim]

Muppet like it's hot

#SongsForMuppets

[JoblessJim @Jobless_Jim]

You ain't nothing but a hound frog

#SongsForMuppets

[JoblessJim @Jobless_Jim]

#MyDeliveryServiceIsCalled ERIC

Expensive
Rubbish
Is
Coming

[JoblessJim @Jobless_Jim]

Dangerous white sphere wipes out all other spheres of differing ethnicities
#DescribeASportBadly

[JoblessJim @Jobless_Jim]

Throwing a ball into a goal.....but in water
#DescribeASportBadly

[JoblessJim @Jobless_Jim]

Tiny white ball hit with a stick into a whole that is miles away. Winner has negative points.
#DescribeASportBadly

[JoblessJim @Jobless_Jim]

Are you still watching?
#QuestionsYouNeverSayNoTo

[JoblessJim @Jobless_Jim]

More chocolate sauce sir?
#QuestionsYouNeverSayNoTo

[JoblessJim @Jobless_Jim]

Have you been drinking? If so here's some #wednesdaywisdom

To ensure you have no hangover take two paracetamol before bed.

Then when you wake up continue drinking.

I suggest a strong Irish coffee to start the day right.

[JoblessJim @Jobless_Jim]

Is there a way to block #Wordle tweets?

Everyone and the butcher's dog seems to want to tell me about it and I really don't care.

#BringBackSudoku

[JoblessJim @Jobless_Jim]

Yo mama made a fake receipt so she could get a refund from the hospital when you were born
#CreativeSwearFreeInsults

[JoblessJim @Jobless_Jim]

Osmium was believed to be the densest known material until science found you
#CreativeSwearFreeInsults

[JoblessJim @Jobless_Jim]

If there's one thing I know it's probably this thing

[JoblessJim @Jobless_Jim]

9 out of 10 people surveyed rated you dog ugly, the other one vomited their lunch up when they saw your face
#CreativeSwearFreeInsults

[JoblessJim @Jobless_Jim]

I've met more intelligent dust than you
#CreativeSwearFreeInsults

[JoblessJim @Jobless_Jim]

Your face resembles that of a 92 year old man's left testicle
#CreativeSwearFreeInsults

[JoblessJim @Jobless_Jim]

#IGoToMyHappyPlace every Thursday at 15.09

[JoblessJim @Jobless_Jim]

#IfIHadADoOver
I do over in the morning
I do over in the evening
All of this laaaand

[JoblessJim @Jobless_Jim]

@BoondockTags

[JoblessJim @Jobless_Jim]

#IfIHadADoOver I'd write a funnier tweet

[JoblessJim @Jobless_Jim]

#IfIHadADoOver I would choose a different dessert for my last meal