Joseph Arthur @JosephArthur - Twitter Profile

12 days ago

Being a dad Isn’t easy But not for the reasons I thought It’s not the sacrifice of time that makes it tough Taking care of someone is like a trapdoor Out of the bondage of self It’s actually a relief to have days mapped out that are basically about serving another And it’s not some saintly spirit you become Because it’s just necessity That shapes you into a more selfless state But the benefits still arrive You don’t have to look for purpose You wake up most days with an urgent purpose on your lap Helping guide a little being into and through the complex scenario of life on planet earth And at the same time Feeding Cleaning Playing Loving And giving the most valuable resource you have Attention My daughter is at the age where her own independence is beginning to blossom Which helps me see this more clearly now At times she wants to be left alone She wants her own space and her own room And all the healthy things an almost five year old would want These days I can even go into my studio and record some guitar parts or do a blast of light work But that was totally impossible not long ago and the distinction is revealing And the odd thing is I find myself mourning slightly the change Not that I would want it to be different because if she wasn’t becoming more independent that would obviously be bad But you would think having more of your own time given back to you would be nothing but a relief or a good thing and it’s more layered than that. The hard part of being a dad is more like what happened last night On the way home from the slide park Where often we slide and play together But also often she makes friends and runs off to play with them which of course we love to see Making friends in kid land is huge Toy Story 5 is all about it actually which was nice to see And yesterday she was having a great day of new friendships She made two at the pool in the morning And one more in the afternoon (Summers in Arizona means we spend lots of time there) But on the way home from the slide park She told me in a low voice that she got into a fight with a girl I asked what happened And her communication wasn’t clear And as I asked her more questions she quickly didn’t want to talk about it And this was at the end of a very long day She fell asleep before we even got home What I did ascertain is that she got frustrated and touched another girl on her shoulder Who said “don’t touch me like that” Which she responded by saying I don’t want to be friends anymore In kid land friendships begin and end all the time In the land of play kids join each other in the playground of the imagination And in that realm anything can happen The hard part is communicating the destructive force of anger and how to take a breath How to not take things personally And how to live and work through the various rejections that come with life in our world How do you be a guide through these complications There is no instruction manual that comes with the nuances of all the particulars Guiding an exhausted almost five year old out of a breakdown And communicating the complexities in a language that she can understand And keeping yourself in a healthy state so that you can remain tapped into the higher source where wisdom and how to impart it actually comes from That’s the hard part of being a dad in my view The part where the dad becomes a father Being aligned with the father Who hopefully whispers loud enough for you to hear The right words to relieve and guide This morning we got up and she drew a picture of a rainbow smiling A blue sky She said she was the star And when I asked her what was the smiling face she said That’s God And then she said it was me and her and God all together I told her it was beautiful and put it up on the wall Whatever the difficult parts of this journey are They are all worth it God is smiling in a rainbow Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers figuring it out one day at a time

josepharthur's tweet photo. Being a dad
Isn’t easy
But not for the reasons I thought

It’s not the sacrifice of time that makes it tough
Taking care of someone is like a trapdoor
Out of the bondage of self

It’s actually a relief to have days mapped out that are basically about serving another

And it’s not some saintly spirit you become
Because it’s just necessity
That shapes you into a more selfless state

But the benefits still arrive

You don’t have to look for purpose
You wake up most days with an urgent purpose on your lap

Helping guide a little being into and through the complex scenario of life on planet earth

And at the same time
Feeding
Cleaning
Playing
Loving
And giving the most valuable resource you have

Attention

My daughter is at the age where her own independence is beginning to blossom

Which helps me see this more clearly now

At times she wants to be left alone
She wants her own space and her own room
And all the healthy things an almost five year old would want

These days I can even go into my studio and record some guitar parts or do a blast of light work

But that was totally impossible not long ago and the distinction is revealing

And the odd thing is I find myself mourning slightly the change

Not that I would want it to be different because if she wasn’t becoming more independent that would obviously be bad

But you would think having more of your own time given back to you would be nothing but a relief or a good thing and it’s more layered than that.

The hard part of being a dad is more like what happened last night

On the way home from the slide park
Where often we slide and play together
But also often she makes friends and runs off to play with them which of course we love to see

Making friends in kid land is huge
Toy Story 5 is all about it actually which was nice to see

And yesterday she was having a great day of new friendships
She made two at the pool in the morning
And one more in the afternoon

(Summers in Arizona means we spend lots of time there)

But on the way home from the slide park
She told me in a low voice that she got into a fight with a girl

I asked what happened
And her communication wasn’t clear
And as I asked her more questions she quickly didn’t want to talk about it

And this was at the end of a very long day
She fell asleep before we even got home

What I did ascertain is that she got frustrated and touched another girl on her shoulder
Who said “don’t touch me like that”
Which she responded by saying
I don’t want to be friends anymore

In kid land friendships begin and end all the time
In the land of play kids join each other in the playground of the imagination

And in that realm anything can happen

The hard part is communicating the destructive force of anger and how to take a breath
How to not take things personally
And how to live and work through the various rejections that come with life in our world

How do you be a guide through these complications

There is no instruction manual that comes with the nuances of all the particulars

Guiding an exhausted almost five year old out of a breakdown

And communicating the complexities in a language that she can understand

And keeping yourself in a healthy state so that you can remain tapped into the higher source where wisdom and how to impart it actually comes from

That’s the hard part of being a dad in my view
The part where the dad becomes a father

Being aligned with the father
Who hopefully whispers loud enough for you to hear
The right words to relieve and guide

This morning we got up and she drew a picture of a rainbow smiling
A blue sky
She said she was the star
And when I asked her what was the smiling face she said
That’s God
And then she said it was me and her and God all together

I told her it was beautiful and put it up on the wall

Whatever the difficult parts of this journey are

They are all worth it
God is smiling in a rainbow

Happy Father’s Day to all the fathers figuring it out one day at a time

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Joseph Arthur

@josepharthur

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