Keith Chegwin

Entertainer/Presenter/Actor/Host
I DO NOT HAVE AN AGENT
Contact Me Direct: [email protected] Gags - All Old & A Few New

[Keith Chegwin @keithchegwin]

Still not right. I will be back - But not for a bit yet. I’m so sorry

[Keith Chegwin @keithchegwin]

Apologies for not tweeting. Back as soon as Xxx promise

[Keith Chegwin @keithchegwin]

If you say the word ‘gullible’ very, very slowly - It sounds like orange

[Keith Chegwin @keithchegwin]

Gentlemen: Examine your prostate by wiping your bottom with Tesco value toilet paper

[Keith Chegwin @keithchegwin]

I LOVE this man XX @bernieclifton_ Righto!!

[Keith Chegwin @keithchegwin]

Taking up scuba diving - I’m using a Walkers crisp bag - which has enough air in it to last for three hours

[Keith Chegwin @keithchegwin]

If you’re here for yodeling lessons please form an Orderly, Orderly, Orderly Queue

[Keith Chegwin @keithchegwin]

Glastonbury crowds. Looks like one big audition for the ‘Walking Dead’

[Keith Chegwin @keithchegwin]

Nicola Sturgeon…….Alex Salmond - I think there’s something fishy going on there

[Keith Chegwin @keithchegwin]

Brekkie thanks to our neighbour Danny. Goose eggs are bloody huge!!

[Keith Chegwin @keithchegwin]

Dad, who’s a road worker, has been stealing from his job. Didn’t believe him but when I got home all the signs were there (sorry)

[Keith Chegwin @keithchegwin]

Mates in hospital - Got hoover stuck up his arse -Doctor says he’s picking up nicely

[Keith Chegwin @keithchegwin]

Bought a pair of Nike's off a drug dealer - Been tripping all day

[Keith Chegwin @keithchegwin]

Someone (Ellie) doesn’t want to be ridden & even the doggies (Harry & Poppy) are knackered!!

[Keith Chegwin @keithchegwin]

Mrs wanted to try sadism in the bedroom. I said no but she twisted my arm

[Keith Chegwin @keithchegwin]

Gonna have a Brexit themed Sunday lunch this weekend - No Brussels

[Keith Chegwin @keithchegwin]

Mrs left me because of my Beatles obsession. Yesterday

[Keith Chegwin @keithchegwin]

My sincere best wishes to Ant @antanddec I know just how hard it can be. Be proud - you’re a very brave & honest man. Good luck x

[Keith Chegwin @keithchegwin]

Father’s day in Essex - where cards are sold in packs of five

[Keith Chegwin @keithchegwin]

A Good Old Singing Competition on Saturday night TV. Pitch Battle. Just when you thought BBC had run out of ideas. FFS