maddie

age: 20
Pronouns: she/her
Understand that the things written here are not said in sound mind, please show some understanding to a depressed trans woman

[maddie @lostgirl232]

To anyone who finds this account know that it is more of a journal for when I’m feeling at my lowest and it is not something for everyone. I know there is something wrong with me please do not tell me that

[maddie @lostgirl232]

I feel selfish whenever I want attention because I don’t wanna be a narcissist, but I only have like 3 or 4 friends so when they’re all busy I’m all alone and I don’t like being alone!

[maddie @lostgirl232]

I’m in a discord server with a vent channel but I’d never touch that shit because I don’t want any of my friends to be able to use what I say against me even though they never have and wouldn’t do that

[maddie @lostgirl232]

I feel like all my friends and loved ones are growing up and I’m just being left behind

[maddie @lostgirl232]

I can’t tell if one of my friends is being really mean to me or my brain is just being weird, he’s been really upsetting me recently cuz we agreed to do stuff and he keeps flaking to hang out with his irl friends instead,,,

[maddie @lostgirl232]

@evilmoding1 He ended up getting mad and reposted ur thingy,,,

[maddie @lostgirl232]

I just figured out I can cuddle with the giant shark plushie i bought months ago, it quite literally has never crossed my mind to do so until 2 days ago.

[maddie @lostgirl232]

I think I’ve got like moral ocd or something because why do I think I’ll go to hell for ordering DoorDash, I don’t even believe in hell what’s up with that

[maddie @lostgirl232]

I wonder how long it would take my online friends to realize I killed myself or if they ever would

[maddie @lostgirl232]

I feel selfish for feeling this way

[maddie @lostgirl232]

One of these days everyone I know will realize how terrible I am and leave me and when it happens I’ll be happy, then I will have nothing keeping me from killing myself, Im only not doing it because it would make people sad, I’m not living for me Im living for the sake of others

[maddie @lostgirl232]

I have been so depressed I don’t think I’ve brushed my teeth in months and I don’t think I should be allowed to take care of my self bbut I’d rather die then leave my girlfriend to be the one to care for me so I think I just need to die…

[maddie @lostgirl232]

https://t.co/TfRlVVtYth

[maddie @lostgirl232]

I took this quiz and I didn’t like the answers,,,

[YUYUCITA THE MOE HOE @mournedtears]

why are my bubbles so depressing

[YUYUCITA THE MOE HOE @mournedtears]

why are my bubbles so depressing

[maddie @lostgirl232]

I’ve been getting more suicidal for a while now and I don’t want anyone in my life to know that because I’d rather die than have people treat me like I’m more broken than I already am, I just hope that when I die people will find out how miserable I was and promise to do better.

[maddie @lostgirl232]

I don’t like it when my friends are fake mean to me when I’m not doing well cuz I take it for real and now I don’t wanna talk to my friend of like 8 years cuz he said “fuck you” to me for asking him to do something

[maddie @lostgirl232]

Sometimes I wish something really really awful would happen to me so I’d have a reason to be this way

[maddie @lostgirl232]

I feel like a suicidal 8 year old girl instead of a 20 year old college student 99% of the time and I hate how lonely it makes me feel, I can’t drive or do anything everyone else can and I just feel like I’m wasting my college life by being so afraid to live

[maddie @lostgirl232]

As much as I love my girlfriend, sometimes I don’t think she gets that her telling me that the end times are coming is actively making my anxiety worse. Idk how to tell her to not tell me this kinda shit because I know it’s bad but all that kinda talk makes me wanna kms

[maddie @lostgirl232]

My memory is so shot I can’t even remember what I did three months ago. I don’t know what’s wrong with me