Luke Mones

comedian

[Luke Mones @LukeMones]

when your girlfriend runs into her friend and you’re stuck with the other boyfriend

[Luke Mones @LukeMones]

(Me watching Bones for the first time)

Oh my god there’s bones in every episode

[Luke Mones @LukeMones]

Joyce cooked

[Joyce Carol Oates @JoyceCarolOates]

parallel with the Knicks' extraordinary penchant for magically rallying, coming-up-from-behind to triumph at virtually the last minute was the weirdly fascinating drama of "Wemby" on the court distinctive not only by his height but the thinness of his body which appeared, beside his teammates, almost pre-pubescent, lacking maturity. no matter where you looked, there was always "Wemby" charging about anticipating an opening to shove, push someone with a solid adult body with a baby-faced look of insouciance: "Who? Me? I' m just a kid."

[Luke Mones @LukeMones]

Doesn’t seem like a good news story

[NJ TRANSIT @NJTRANSIT]

Good news story: A woman and her son were running late at Penn Station New York and missed the last train to the stadium. She was visibly upset and in tears after realizing they would miss the event.

[kyle @kyle4prezident]

whole plane watching the knicks game except for one dude watching avatar

[Luke Mones @LukeMones]

willy wonka really killed 4 kids and gave the 5th his entire corporation

[Luke Mones @LukeMones]

@andersleehere #YeahOkayGood

[Alex Weprin @alexweprin]

CBS has found the show that will take over the 11:30 timeslot after Stephen Colbert exits "The Late Show." It's "Comics Unleashed," the stand-up show from Byron Allen.

[Luke Mones @LukeMones]

No one:
Tiger Woods driving to CVS:

[Luke Mones @LukeMones]

(Running into the Pentagon, waving newspaper) sir!

[Luke Mones @LukeMones]

Love on the Spectrum

[Luke Mones @LukeMones]

They better interview RUBEN BOUMTJE BOUMTJE

[Netflix @netflix]

UNTOLD: JAIL BLAZERS premieres April 14.

In the early 2000s, the Portland Trail Blazers were stacked with talent—and surrounded by controversy.

Through firsthand stories from Rasheed Wallace, Damon Stoudamire, and Bonzi Wells, this is an unfiltered look at a team caught between brilliance and notoriety—and the media storm that followed.

[Luke Mones @LukeMones]

“actually we’ve met before” okay well I don’t remember you. Have you considered being less forgettable and insignificant

[Luke Mones @LukeMones]

"shot by a guy with no arms or legs" is a real mad libs way to go

[BensonNewsHub @BensonNewsHub]

😳 Quadruple amputee and pro cornhole player facing murder charges in Maryland

[caught hantavirus on a swingers cruise @abs_sweetmarie]

Big beautiful Arthur, Arthur Dayne…Sword of the Morning they called him! That sword didn’t help him very much at the Tower of Joy, did it now? Slew in combat by Ned Stark and Howland Reed…little Howland Reed, he was the Knight of the Laughing Tree—they’re letting me say it!

[Luke Mones @LukeMones]

When someone makes me watch a video on their phone

[Luke Mones @LukeMones]

He’s gone full Bane

[Viory Video @vioryvideo]

'I call upon all Iranian patriots who yearn for freedom to seize this moment, and take back your country.' - Trump

[Luke Mones @LukeMones]

@CrackAmicoRAP 😂😂😂

[Luke Mones @LukeMones]

triathlon means running/biking/swimming but biathlon means GUN ON SKIS

[Luke Mones @LukeMones]

remember when Ivan Ooze tried to disguise himself in town by dressing like...a purple clown wizard who sold cans of ooze? how did he think that would help him blend in

[Luke Mones @LukeMones]

BREAKING from Brooklyn MDC: Maduro has healed his CO’s bladder infection like the Green Mile