Marjory Kling

the funnest uncle

[Marjory Kling @marjorykling]

I really think the Jonas Brothers should have ice skated to one up Usher

#NHLStadiumSeries
#NJDevils
#JonasBrothers

[Marjory Kling @marjorykling]

PSA🗣 if you pay for a dating app subscription CANCEL IT and get a @SoapyJoesCW membership NOW. I showed up broken, in a dirty car, and left with TWO dates and a sparkly clean chariot fit for a queen. Stop swiping, start vacuuming!! 🧼💙

[Marjory Kling @marjorykling]

Just downloaded hinge and so far every guy that’s texted me is green… is this a hinge thing or a me thing? Legitimately concerned

[Marjory Kling @marjorykling]

My head and my heart tell me I’m Brandy from Cinderella, but my reflection in the mirror tells me I’m Lord Farquaad from Shrek. Nothing’s fine, I’m torn.

[Marjory Kling @marjorykling]

@maddklingie Hey now

[Marjory Kling @marjorykling]

farted

[Marjory Kling @marjorykling]

@maddklingie I saw this and thought “hmm, I am ‘sister’ too, what’s this about?” But then...

[Marjory Kling @marjorykling]

When I close my eyes and imagine my wedding day, I’m walking down the aisle to Drummer Boy by Justin Bieber (feat. Busta Rhymes) with a granite blue silicone strap Garmin watch on each wrist, and it is, beyond a shadow of a doubt, the happiest moment of my life

[Congratulations Podcast @congratspod]

Retweet this if you’re down for a silly goose time and that’s it.

[Marjory Kling @marjorykling]

Sometimes my roommate sees my light on at night and turns it off and tucks me in and takes the m&ms off my pillow and the popcorn off my bed and shuts my door and doesn’t even mention it the next day and I’m very lucky to have her in my life.

[Marjory Kling @marjorykling]

As if the Wicked Halloween was not enough 😭😭😭 @maddklingie

[Lin-Manuel Miranda @Lin_Manuel]

“We bleed and fight for you,
Sometimes it seems
that’s all we do...”
Theodosia Reprise.
@SaraBareilles.
Your October Hamildrop.
Enjoy.
https://t.co/vOi9fnuDlN

[Chris D'Elia @chrisdelia]

Favorite @Drake song.

[Marjory Kling @marjorykling]

Memorizing the baby bylaws & patiently waiting for the address reveal 🙌🏼🙌🏼🙌🏼 https://t.co/8gIsF7OJxw

[Chris D'Elia @chrisdelia]

You know I hate “National Days” but this was yesterday Babies!

https://t.co/dvNjYJN7IP

[Marjory Kling @marjorykling]

The kid I nanny cries for two hours if I give him the wrong color sippy cup... @chrisdelia could he be your [biological] baby? I’m not Jojo, I don’t think it’s my fault but maybe I’m wrong

[Marjory Kling @marjorykling]

I think it’s time for me to get one of those apps where you’re assigned your own personal therapist to text whenever—before I lose all of my best friends, ya know?

[Marjory Kling @marjorykling]

WOW I have the utmost respect for these babies, truly inspiring🔥I just wish I’d known to sit on a floor mat ahead of time #uhoh @chrisdelia https://t.co/3JiS1NuJsy

[Chris D'Elia @chrisdelia]

Holy shit this is FIRE THESE BABIES MADE A REAL HIT LISTEN TO THIS #congratulationspod 🤣😂 https://t.co/VzKLPyydiG

[Marjory Kling @marjorykling]

...........turns out her hunch was indeed spot on. #MyWeirdRoomate

[Marjory Kling @marjorykling]

One morning #MyWeirdRoomate told me she "thought" she pulled a worm out of her butthole at 2am & brought it to urgent care in a ziplock bag

[Marjory Kling @marjorykling]

I don't tweet often, but when I do...
it's bc I'm part of a cult & it's my duty to spread the good word @chrisdelia https://t.co/880m6aQDuw

[Chris D'Elia @chrisdelia]

Ahahaha so fuckin 🔥🔥🔥 https://t.co/Yv8Ep8x4hU