matt

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[matt @MattWardel]

@ryangerritsen it's like Carl Jung psychology but bastardize for idiots!

[matt @MattWardel]

@ZiaYusufUK Dont care not voting for reform!

[matt @MattWardel]

@_ConnieShaw

[matt @MattWardel]

@MjengoKE @araknetFX237 Tilt the head back, hold the nose, give 3 breaths, then 30 compressions. Repeat for as long as necessary. I believe the longest recorded duration of CPR followed by survival with full brain function was 8 hours due to the cold.

[matt @MattWardel]

@JenevaFMRadio Me. "This is a washing machine. This is a warm shower, yes, hot water comes out of here! Over here is the dishwasher, and this is the microwave. Over here is the steam cleaner. And I've saved the best for last. This is a robot vacuum cleaner!"
Her. "Drooling."

[matt @MattWardel]

@HansMokeNiemann He said, 'I'm going to take you down! I'm going to take you down to Chinatown after this match, where we can enjoy some Peking duck!

[matt @MattWardel]

@DanBurmawy Do they realise he's a three year old? Do you need to sit them down and explain that he's 3, not 30? Also he a boy who naturally has higher dopamine levels.

[matt @MattWardel]

@AbolitionRising Why can't she debate his ideas instead of trying to silence him? There are these things called libraries where you can get books for free, I'm not joking. Or you can use websites and read the common arguments used by anti-abortion

[matt @MattWardel]

@wotancore Yes, fast cars.
Yes, superyachts.
Yes, helicopters.
Yes, Michelin-star dining.
Yes, celebrity friends.
Yes, a supermodel girlfriend.
Yes, VIP access.
And yet, somewhere deep down, they wish to be Diogenes. You kidding me? Never tasted Michelin-star pea soup OMG it's delicious!

[matt @MattWardel]

@jerr_rrej Jennifer Lopez is like these cigarettes, slowly killing me.

[matt @MattWardel]

@LASHYBILLS I think there might be a hint of narcissistic behaviour!

[matt @MattWardel]

@OrwellNGoode Every dude knows that the holy grail of bench pressing is three plates on each side, 150 kg. Anything over that is just insane. This is just male intrasexual competition! It doesn't matter if females don't notice. If males notice, then females notice.

[matt @MattWardel]

@Clonazepamers Female intrasexual competition! Welcome to the internet, bro. She's flexing on other women! Believe me, bro, she doesn't want to fuck you. This is what women do when they secure a high-value mate. She's saying, "Look at my body, ladies, I want to get pregnant."

[matt @MattWardel]

@SadVampire1776

[matt @MattWardel]

@dvorstone Mate, does this guy really think she hasn't been intimate with other dudes over that six-month period? If I said this on Reddit, it'd be: "BANNED! You've been banned!" OMG. What did I say!? Than you message a reddit mod your account has been permanently banned!

[matt @MattWardel]

@mrmikeMTL Ptolemy I Soter (367–282 BC) that's when this mess started

[matt @MattWardel]

@ReallyAmerica @RealJamesWoods @may_hemmer You know what they do with that money? They make an effigy of Satan out of it and then burn it. It doesn't go toward road maintenance, oh no. Roads magically puff into existence because of the road fairies.

[matt @MattWardel]

@DiggingInTheDi1 The nurse was like, 'Doctor, those flappy things are closing when they should be opening right to let blood into the heart?'
Doctor' do not correct meeeeeeeeee! I have study the chakras system now lets dance'
Nurse'...............................................................'

[matt @MattWardel]

@AntiCommieBecca We don't even have replacement birth rates. I was talking about this with a guy in 2011 who studied demography at university. He said this was going to happen. His professor was saying it was going to happen in the 1970s. This has been going on for a while.

[matt @MattWardel]

@MmisterNobody Yeah, I put my phone in a box on repeat saying, 'I have a huge dick.' I'm waiting to see what ads I get because of it.