Matthew Bennett

Certified beast in the streets, Casanova in the sheets

[Matthew Bennett @matthewben]

i’m so done with love island. i am so sick of this

[Matthew Bennett @matthewben]

how do i tell my boss i can’t come in tmr bc im so distraught over tonight’s love island episode

[Matthew Bennett @matthewben]

netflix i literally fucking hate you.

[Matthew Bennett @matthewben]

slowllyyyyy starting to fall in love with the pool boy

[Matthew Bennett @matthewben]

i think i’ve been motorboated more in the last 2 days then i have in my entire life

[Matthew Bennett @matthewben]

sorry to everyone i pantsed. it was super fun tho

[Matthew Bennett @matthewben]

bullying is so fun #gaygarrett

[Matthew Bennett @matthewben]

def gained a chromosome last night. sorry to everyone who saw me

[Matthew Bennett @matthewben]

i need to wash my mouth out with bleach

[Matthew Bennett @matthewben]

@GustovRich u literally just farted in my face

[Matthew Bennett @matthewben]

someone find me a ginger STAT. #StPaddysDay

[Matthew Bennett @matthewben]

buckeye donuts is robbing me of all my money

[Matthew Bennett @matthewben]

andrew garfield get off my screen i’m already pregnant

[Matthew Bennett @matthewben]

ugh FINE chris pratt i’ll have your babies

[Matthew Bennett @matthewben]

i don’t like naps bc i get fomo of the time i could be wasting scrolling my on phone. i need to touch grass.

[Matthew Bennett @matthewben]

@danielsmith1967 is this a rumor or real but wasnt one of them blind and played like every instrument

[Matthew Bennett @matthewben]

if brueggers bagels was a real life boy i would suck his dick everyday

[Matthew Bennett @matthewben]

my doordash coffee and powerade just exploded in my living room so now i’m calling off work to jump off the top of the nationwide building

[Matthew Bennett @matthewben]

was asked when my stand up comedy career was going to start today so now i’m starting a go fund me

[Matthew Bennett @matthewben]

just smoked a cig and all i can think about is brushing my teeth……. how will i make it in italy