In my own opinion, i have this strong conviction in me that this is a trying time. This could be the final test of your loyalty and commitment to your man.
To make you understand better, in life, there are no guarantees. The man you may want to quickly settle for may also loose his shield within months while the man you have invested 4yrs with regains his shield . I would advice you exercise a little more patience and make sure you dont loose your shield and respect for your man. Go home, kneel down with your man and pray together about your plans to settle down and seek for grace and open doors.
All that glitters are not gold. Atleast you have been with him for years and you have known him well enough and you know he is doing all he can. He has a very promising future.
Lastly, please dont let family pressure push you into making decisions that can disrupt your life. What if you marry the 37 years old man and in few months, he steps out and lost his job as this your bf did? Would you stick by him or find another man and settle down with? That's how i see this situation.
Build with this your man. Stand by him a little while and encourage him. Pray for him and with him and also try to see how you both can look for something small and do to yield money. Women are loyal to their sacrifce. Starting afresh with a ready-made man might not really give you the peace and happiness you would have had if you waited for your man whom you have sacrificed for. Think deeply. May God give you wisdom to make the best choice. Remember, its not how far, its how well.
So many people i personally know who got married years back are regretting their decisions while some are enjoying as well and some are just enduring it. Which one do you want? *A WISE MAN BUILDS HIS HOUSE UPON A ROCK, A FOOLISH MAN BUILDS HIS HOUSE UPON SAND. WHEN THE RAIN COMES DOWN, WHICH WOULD STAND?
Please read this DM from a 31 year old lady, & please read my advice to her carefully.
It's unfortunate that she and her fiancé find themselves in this situation.
Before I decided to advice her, I discussed her DM with my wife.
You may not like my advice to her, but it has to
@jon_d_doe My only question is "how can you be in a supposedly healthy long term relationship with someone who's phone you can't check"
Feel free gentleman
You've just saved yourself
My first relationship, I was 21. She was 19. It was love at first sight - what you guys call falling in love. I asked her out for 15 months.(YES) I wanted her and nobody else.
However, in those 15 months, I never bought her anything - not once. But I did call like 2 - 3 times a week to check on her, ask how she is doing, talk about her day. When I see her anywhere, we talk for few minutes. None of the conversation were ever sexual or intimate. We talked like friends. She never billed me - not once. She never asked me to prove love by spending. The first time I paid for anything was the food we ate and movie we saw at the cinema on our first date.
She didn't know me. But she treated me with courtesy. When she finally gave it a thought, she paid attention to me in her own way to know the kind of person I was. She asked people and asked my friends about me. She chose me out of conviction of my personality.
Few weeks into the relationship, I wanted to buy something and I was going to sort it out anyway. She gave me her card and I declined and she told me expressly that:
"When I ask, you give. I won't be in a relationship where you give and I don't. You won't deprive me of the chance to express my love. If you don't accept, I'll never accept anything from you again."
She said it like a threat and she meant it. I took the card and my relationship was one of mutual affection where we gifted each other. Anybody could pay for outing, we both knew each other's pin and collected the other person's card at random. We were both students and she was very conscious of that.
SHE WAS 19!!!
Before you say "na ghat time, no be now," it has alwaya been like that. People whose allowance were not up to mine were spending money to get affection. For many, it didn't work out. It is a mindset thing. If my personality is not enough, I don't want you.
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I think I've responded to people who think I say what I say because I have never fallen in love. I fell in love with her at first sight but in hindsight, I can say I loved her when we started dating because then I knew her and I could love her right. She was pretty awesome.
Again, I'm still against love at first sight. She could have turned out to be a witch. I didn't know her. I was lucky but I can't advise you based on luck.
Again, do not chase anyone for that long. As much as she was wonderful, I wouldn't do that anymore. That is why I don't advise you to.
You want to know why it took 15 months?
She explained in the relationship that when I started asking her out, she was in a long distance relationship so couldn't give me what I wanted. (The relationship ended 6 months into the time I was asking her out.) Then she needed time off dating. She wasn't going to hop from one to.the other just because I was interested. She also didn't tell me she broke up with him then because she didn't want me to take advantage of it. She wanted to decide in her own time. When she was ready, she did her due diligence to know the kind of person she was going into a relationship with. MONEY WAS NOT A FACTOR.
This is already long enough so I'll talk about the next relationship in another post some day. The whole point of this is that you can't negotiate genuine desire. If my personality is not enough for you, I don't want you.