Max Rosenblum

Comedian. Writer. Host of @VENTshowlive

[Max Rosenblum @MrMaxRose]

Beta Boyfriend Hotline ☎️

[Max Rosenblum @MrMaxRose]

One of the worst parts of the cultural shift is that you used to be able to say “XYZ is happening” and someone would say “Hmm, I’ll look into that.” Today, you say “XYZ is happening” and someone will say “WHAT! WHERE! NO! THAT’S FAKE! SEND ME A LINK! YOU’VE BEEN PROPAGANDIZED!”

[Max Rosenblum @MrMaxRose]

Financial advisor: What’s your long-term savings plan?

Me:

[Max Rosenblum @MrMaxRose]

Absolute cinema from The Daily Beast

[Max Rosenblum @MrMaxRose]

Max says he struggles with question of whether Afghanistan, Pakistan, Saudi Arabia, and Iran should exist as Islamic states.

[Max Rosenblum @MrMaxRose]

Then the Dodgers beat the bricks off the Brewers.

But no, actually this is super cool. Good for this kid and dad.

[Max Rosenblum @MrMaxRose]

Do you have to pay for you own ride when you do Subway Takes, or does the host pay for you?

[Max Rosenblum @MrMaxRose]

That’ll single-handedly win a season of Alone

[Max Rosenblum @MrMaxRose]

The “cost of lunch” discourse misses the point. It’s fine to order a $20 burrito. Just make sure to eat it and don’t drop it on the floor. Because $20 in an index fund w/ 10% growth is $2300 in 50 years. So if your burrito falls on the floor, you just lost $2300 future dollars.

[Max Rosenblum @MrMaxRose]

It’s been more than a week since the Kevin Hart roast. Has anyone told Chelsea Handler that the draft hasn’t been reinstated?

[7/11 Truther @DaveMcNamee3000]

We are very close to reaching the most American sentence ever made

[Max Rosenblum @MrMaxRose]

Would Mr. Wonderful approve of me using El Pollo Loco coupons to get the 16 piece family meal for a week’s worth of lunches?

@ElPolloLoco
@kevinolearytv

[Max Rosenblum @MrMaxRose]

Me any time I read a journalism I don’t like.

[Max Rosenblum @MrMaxRose]

@Average_NY_Guy https://t.co/ZOU2y28g3u

[Max Rosenblum @MrMaxRose]

Funny how the Israel-Hamas conflict suddenly reignited a love of free speech.

[Max Rosenblum @MrMaxRose]

My 5th grade teacher had rabbits, birds, turtles and fish in her classroom. Only the top performing students got the privilege of staying after school to clean up animal poop. It turned bad students to mid, mid to good, and good to great. I got straight As & cleaned lots of poop.

[robyn☦️ @RRR0BYN]

Cannot recommend a responsibility/behaviour chart for young children enough. The power that a mere star sticker holds over their brains is the difference between a kid who will fight you on everything and a kid who will grow their self esteem in working as a member of the family team.

They look forward to working towards a reward at the end of the week and develop a sense of accomplishment from checking things off the list each day. Not getting a sticker is in itself enough of a deterrent to curb many unwanted behaviours. Kicking myself for not doing it sooner.

[Max Rosenblum @MrMaxRose]

@euniceblows Yeah. I know.

[Max Rosenblum @MrMaxRose]

AOC is dead wrong about US history. The American Revolution was not a revolt against the billionaires of their time. The American Revolution was a resistance movement against the authoritarian state of Israel.

[Max Rosenblum @MrMaxRose]

“He just bought new shoes. Put dog poop on the ground in front of him.”

[Max Rosenblum @MrMaxRose]

Does anyone want to volunteer to nuke my ChatGPT conversations when I die?

[Max Rosenblum @MrMaxRose]

5th place elementary school geography bee finisher right here 💅

[Frank Michael Smith @frankmikesmith]

I really underestimated how much dudes like geography. This might be the most suppressed male interest