Today wasn't too bad of a day.
I wish I was more willing to work with myself to try out something new. I just never have the motivation.
I was thinking that I might start drawing ponies. Which I know seems a tad weird since I'm not...ya know.... a Brony.
I keep comparing myself to everyone else. And when I do, I look back at myself and see an unhappy individual who has failed in most aspects they wished they would have achieved.
Sometimes I wish I felt more included, noticed, talked about, pretty, attractive, and talented.
I realize now, I don't think I'll fit in anywhere I go. Because of how fluid I am as a person, I just won't fit in. One minute I'm a square peg to a round hole. Next a circle peg to a triangular hole.
I never feel like I belong. So maybe I don't belong anywhere...
Debating writing a good bye note to my friends...
Maybe I'm forcing them away, maybe their drifting away. It really feels the second to me.
We've lost a common medium of interests as they've moved to vr, and I'm just a relic of a previous age.
I'm just to tired to continue
I'm slowly considering leaving the fandom more and more.
I feel like I'm drifting from my current friends.
Downside tho, is if I leave the fandom, I legit have no other hobbies.
I'd be a husk of a person, who just works, eats, sleeps, repeat.
I'm just a fat piece of shit.
I should start working out.
I know the solutions to fix myself. But growth is hard. I'm not sure i have the will power to make those changes.
I'm just an angry blob of shit
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