Neil Strauss

author of 10 NYT best-selling books, most of which people put another cover on when reading in public.

*Note: Reducing device time, so DMs not checked here*

[JARED LETO @JaredLeto]

When I directed my documentary 𝑩𝒆𝒚𝒐𝒏𝒅 𝑻𝒉𝒆 𝑯𝒐𝒓𝒊𝒛𝒐𝒏, I wanted to sit down with people who challenged the way I saw the world. @neilstrauss was one of them. 🎬

[Neil Strauss @neilstrauss]

When a person is always to deceive, it’s impossible to be consistent.

—Jane Austen, “Lady Susan”

[Neil Strauss @neilstrauss]

Where there is a disposition to dislike, a motive will never be wanting.

-Jane Austen, “Lady Susan”

[Neil Strauss @neilstrauss]

"I want things to be beautiful I want to see peace and beauty and harmony. My job, I feel, is to dream of those things."

Those are the words Sonny Rollins spoke to me when I interviewed him many years ago. I never forgot them. He passed away today. One of the greatest tenor saxophonists of his time. Here's one more quote from that interview. RIP to a truly special human being.

[Neil Strauss @neilstrauss]

Anyone can become a god or a devil. All it takes is for people to believe it.

—Attack on Titan

[Neil Strauss @neilstrauss]

@damvonrod Your date or partner. Will they appreciate you or take you for granted. Better than the "waiter" test.

[Neil Strauss @neilstrauss]

The way they talk to ChatGPT is the way they’ll eventually talk to you

[Neil Strauss @neilstrauss]

Even if a snake is not poisonous, it should not stop hissing under any circumstances. The snake will have only its hiss to ward off human beings and protect itself. Without these protective pretenses, even a little child could stone it to death. A little ostentation is necessary in this world. Without the minimum of ostentation, a man's worth will remain unrecognized.

—Chanakya, Chanakya Niti (paraphrased version circulated online)

[Neil Strauss @neilstrauss]

When someone is emotionally activated in a relationship, remember that they have their own recovery period. This is the time it takes to return from a dysregulated state back to a regulated one.

If you try to address what happened, or resolve the original issue, before they have fully recovered, the reactivity will likely escalate.

Next to working on your own reactivity, having the restraint to wait until your partner is back online to address theirs is one of the most useful relationship skills there is.

Repair takes patience.

Important caveats:

*Some people recover in seconds, others in days, and a few never. The longer recovery regularly takes, the more important it is to ask whether the relationship has enough safety, repair, and compatibility to work long term.

*If your partner's reactivity shows up in the form of any sort of abuse, then the best way to address theirs is to end the relationship and all contact. Get professional support if needed.

[Neil Strauss @neilstrauss]

Control the greedy by money,
the arrogant by submissiveness,
the fool by preaching,
and the learned by telling him the reality.

—Chanakya

[Neil Strauss @neilstrauss]

One lone tree can populate an entire forest.

Similarly, one new idea can awaken an entire people.

[Neil Strauss @neilstrauss]

My study of history had taught me that humanity has always been full of illusions about its own possibilities, and that ambitious leaders have led their people into deep affliction more often than wide empire.

―Xenophon, The Education of Cyrus, 370 BC

[Neil Strauss @neilstrauss]

One cannot change the past, but one can ruin a perfectly good present by worrying about the future.

—Chanakya, 300 BC

[Neil Strauss @neilstrauss]

Early on, you can expect no one to believe in your destiny as much as yourself.

―Xenophon, "The Education of Cyrus," 370 BC

[Neil Strauss @neilstrauss]

Credit: Adapted from David Augsburger's great quote

"Being heard is so close to being loved that for the average person, they are almost indistinguishable."

[Neil Strauss @neilstrauss]

Patience look so much like spirituality that most people can't tell the difference

[Neil Strauss @neilstrauss]

We all know muscle and cartilage often thin with age, but the prefrontal cortex can thin too

That can mean less emotional regulation, inhibition, and flexibility

While we can generally see physical decline in older people, cognitive decline is harder to spot

So it's worth remembering to meet abrasiveness with a little more grace

[Neil Strauss @neilstrauss]

Some of us lose a parent to death.

Some, even more unfortunate, lose a parent before that.

And in the end, have to grieve them twice.