noel james

wit that comes in fine willow caskets shipped from Cymru to the world

[noel james @noeljamescomic]

was reading some stories by kafka, the ones that were meant to be burnt after his death. So i did

[noel james @noeljamescomic]

i saw the conductor was using my straw instead of a baton...no wonder they call him 'my straw'

[noel james @noeljamescomic]

“While the pardon does not claim she was innocent of killing David Blakely, it replaces the death penalty with a sentence of life imprisonment to recognise a profound injustice in this exceptional case.” Ruth was not Ruthless after all...she's an old lady now living out her days

[noel james @noeljamescomic]

some people think my girlfriend is a beard...she really should come down from below my chin

[noel james @noeljamescomic]

a fine night is finite

[noel james @noeljamescomic]

the ball boy was hit in the midriff by a serve travelling at 146 mph...serve him right? People were more impressed by his ability to walk along the top of the net

[noel james @noeljamescomic]

it's 250 years since the american revolution, and what better president to have at this juncture than someone who is himself revolting?

[Robert Reed @The_Robert_Reed]

Today's joke...#TheOneLinerWizard #ComedyMagician #Jokes #Funny #ComedyMagicIllusion

[noel james @noeljamescomic]

i used to be a road sweeper specialising in cul-de-sacs. Talk about a dead end job !

[noel james @noeljamescomic]

i tried this diet where i had to fast for 2 weeks and then, when i did eat, eat only fibre, and also i had to wear a special belt, called a band, a broad band, around my waist. An ultra fast, full fibre, broad band...wasn't sure if i was dieting or having something installed

[noel james @noeljamescomic]

while watching Kanal a 1957 polish war film i saw this actor pop up, Vladek Sheybal. I recognised him as he went onto play cowering types in english language films...he was excellent in the Cowering Inferno

[noel james @noeljamescomic]

using a phone to shield her face from the sun...smart

[noel james @noeljamescomic]

this is good weather for wearing my polo shirt...the one with the hole in the middle

[noel james @noeljamescomic]

bingo!

[noel james @noeljamescomic]

Starmer might have to give up on being PM...it's a shame he didn't give up the other PM

[noel james @noeljamescomic]

this is the dawning of the age of Immodium

[noel james @noeljamescomic]

A number of volkswagens were recalled...in particular the Beetle: 'Ah what a lovely car'

[noel james @noeljamescomic]

Protection money...is that when you use a ten pence piece as a shield ?

[noel james @noeljamescomic]

i used to think that the AA root finder was a weeding service for alcoholics