charlie hot ham

Only at Applebees™

[charlie hot ham @resignation]

If we're making the jump I'm https://t.co/QmRuDMPzWT

Been a pleasure shitposting with you all the past 17 years. 🫡

[charlie hot ham @resignation]

Came back on twitter hoping to god someone dropped a working link to the MCR album leak, instead am met by endless posts from 15-year-olds thinking 40+ year old millionaires who haven't released shit in a decade gaf that their aging fanbase are listening to a leaked album.

[charlie hot ham @resignation]

Putin having photo evidence that Trump slobbed on Bill Clinton’s knob was not on my Epstein bingo card.

[charlie hot ham @resignation]

Still amazed that NO ONE caught Nancy Pelosi’s snot rocket on PBS on Election Day back in 2015.

[charlie hot ham @resignation]

So like when the rapture happens tomorrow are the angels gonna bust out Rochut no 5 or…?

[eden is online @peedenisonline]

imagine spending your last moments on earth staring at some college student like this

[charlie hot ham @resignation]

Call me Kagome the way I’m always looking for my Juul.

[charlie hot ham @resignation]

Me: Don’t make jokes about race/ethnicity/sexuality/heritage/gender

My agent: WELL DAMN IM NEVER SPEAKING AGAIN

[charlie hot ham @resignation]

Started a “shit my agents say” list today. I’m already 5 entries deep.

[charlie hot ham @resignation]

I had a funny tweet but I fucked it up too many times. Better luck next time.

[charlie hot ham @resignation]

I got fingerbanged at the Bays Mountain planetarium and all I got was this lousy T-shirt.

[charlie hot ham @resignation]

Can we please, as a society, stop calling it yum yum sauce and use its Christian name????

[charlie hot ham @resignation]

@briks96 The corn works in mysterious ways

[charlie hot ham @resignation]

imagine being a little bitch about paying $15/yr and 10 minutes time to have your vehicle looked over by some yokel who checks your turn signals once a year (yes i wanna say this in scannerfood comments)

[charlie hot ham @resignation]

A lobotomy would fix me.

[charlie hot ham @resignation]

Me: I am taking calls, do not come to my desk. I cannot help you today. I will not be checking messages. Please reach out to this person if you need any assistance.

My team: ARE YOU ON A CALL HOW DO I DO MY JOB CAN YOU HELP ME I SENT YOU A MESSAGE BUT YOU DIDNT RESPOND

[charlie hot ham @resignation]

John Popper you son of a bitch, the hook DID bring me back.

[charlie hot ham @resignation]

Guy on my team has spat on me 3 times today and just now spit on my cupcake like bro QUIT TALKING TO ME.

[charlie hot ham @resignation]

My dad’s life alert went off and I freaked out and called my aunt bc he didn’t answer his phone and turns out the mf just wanted to see if it worked.

[charlie hot ham @resignation]

@briks96 Damn you want me to commit TWICE???

[charlie hot ham @resignation]

If I ever off myself yall can just say “she offed herself” instead of “died by suicide”.