Last quarter I rolled out Microsoft Copilot to 4,000 employees.
$30 per seat per month.
$1.4 million annually.
I called it "digital transformation."
The board loved that phrase.
They approved it in eleven minutes.
No one asked what it would actually do.
Including me.
I told everyone it would "10x productivity."
That's not a real number.
But it sounds like one.
HR asked how we'd measure the 10x.
I said we'd "leverage analytics dashboards."
They stopped asking.
Three months later I checked the usage reports.
47 people had opened it.
12 had used it more than once.
One of them was me.
I used it to summarize an email I could have read in 30 seconds.
It took 45 seconds.
Plus the time it took to fix the hallucinations.
But I called it a "pilot success."
Success means the pilot didn't visibly fail.
The CFO asked about ROI.
I showed him a graph.
The graph went up and to the right.
It measured "AI enablement."
I made that metric up.
He nodded approvingly.
We're "AI-enabled" now.
I don't know what that means.
But it's in our investor deck.
A senior developer asked why we didn't use Claude or ChatGPT.
I said we needed "enterprise-grade security."
He asked what that meant.
I said "compliance."
He asked which compliance.
I said "all of them."
He looked skeptical.
I scheduled him for a "career development conversation."
He stopped asking questions.
Microsoft sent a case study team.
They wanted to feature us as a success story.
I told them we "saved 40,000 hours."
I calculated that number by multiplying employees by a number I made up.
They didn't verify it.
They never do.
Now we're on Microsoft's website.
"Global enterprise achieves 40,000 hours of productivity gains with Copilot."
The CEO shared it on LinkedIn.
He got 3,000 likes.
He's never used Copilot.
None of the executives have.
We have an exemption.
"Strategic focus requires minimal digital distraction."
I wrote that policy.
The licenses renew next month.
I'm requesting an expansion.
5,000 more seats.
We haven't used the first 4,000.
But this time we'll "drive adoption."
Adoption means mandatory training.
Training means a 45-minute webinar no one watches.
But completion will be tracked.
Completion is a metric.
Metrics go in dashboards.
Dashboards go in board presentations.
Board presentations get me promoted.
I'll be SVP by Q3.
I still don't know what Copilot does.
But I know what it's for.
It's for showing we're "investing in AI."
Investment means spending.
Spending means commitment.
Commitment means we're serious about the future.
The future is whatever I say it is.
As long as the graph goes up and to the right.
3 year Research Associate post at the University of Glasgow working on the evaluation of #CommunityWealthBuilding, working with myself and colleagues at Glasgow Caledonian and Lancaster now advertised here https://t.co/nRBx4WcsqV (now advertised for external candidates too).
BACK TO THE FUTURE was released 40 years ago today. One of the most beloved movies of the 1980s, and the film that made Michael J. Fox a movie star, the behind the scenes story is pretty heavy…
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#MomentsOfBeauty in #Glasgow: The suspended ceiling in Hillhead Subway Station has been removed so it’s fantastic to see all the no-nonsense engineering working hard to hold up the buildings above. It’s so powerful and Piranesian I think it should be permanently exposed🧐😮!
Scotland produces so much clean energy, yet Scots pay some of the world's highest bills.
Just yesterday, Britain wasted enough wind to power Scottish homes for 3 DAYS. It cost £7,504,366.
Zonal pricing could give Scots some of the lowest bills in Europe: https://t.co/EmEtEYDcPz
In case you missed it, the Rural Action Fund is back!
The Youth Scotland Rural Action Fund is a micro-grant fund supported by @GannochyTrust and is now open for submissions.
Find out more: https://t.co/Dh3LlVvlPX
Without PIP, a further 700,000 more disabled households could be pushed into poverty 📢
We've joined @Scope to urge the Chancellor to reconsider potential cuts to disability benefits.
Read our open letter: https://t.co/STkaNRQ02L.
Celebrating 64 years of women’s vision and impact on #InternationalWomensDay ✨💜
Founded by the pioneering Robertson sisters—Elspeth, Agnes, and Ethel— The @RobertsonTrust continues to champion accessibility, opportunity and positive change across Scotland.
EXCLUSIVE!
https://t.co/RZz3mMiUd2 has tonight spoken with MP @Labour_Douglas who is heading up a Task Force that will attempt a community asset transfer of Dalmuir.
Key point: the course will remain OPEN whilst he and his group gets to work.
Story 👇🏼
https://t.co/62IxDm1UmQ
A decision will be made on the future of Dalmuir Golf Course today.
Here's reigning US Open champion Bryson DeChambeau on why it, and public golf in general, matters so much.
(Credit: @theweeman77)
>> @RobertsonTrust 's Community Spaces Grants are open for Scottish charities (£30k-£500k income). Funding of £5k-£20k per year (up to 3 years) supports community centres, hubs, and anchor orgs tackling poverty and trauma. No set deadline. Apply now: https://t.co/xoq0td9ZHS
🚨 Save the date! 🚨
This day event will cast a critical eye over the many facets of impact that relate to the Third Sector in Scotland. The full event programme will be shared soon.
- Cost: Free
- Date: 11/06/25
- Time: 09:30 – 16:00
- Location: University of Glasgow