John Gloveman

Full time food organ & world's #1 Frasier scientist. Comedienness. I play Claire Dunphy on TV's Modern Family.

[John Gloveman @SPSSS]

Sexily not having my thoughts read

[james @jms_tny]

julia garner most confusing name bc it calls to mind both julia roberts and jennifer garner but she is neither

[Kyle @kylofone]

sure just delete the load-bearing wall from your house lol

[John Gloveman @SPSSS]

If The Truman Show was real all the extras would be bisexual since they're so good at improv

[ringworm @prawn_meat]

"the new superman movie is actually really good --" do you know how unlikely that sounds. do you know how much of my training i would need to disregard to believe that

[regular sadmeister @gardeinqueen]

what i want for dinner hasn’t been invented yet

[dinosaur @dinosaurs1969]

in the italy. straight up "leaning it". and by "it" , hahah, well. lets justr say. my pisa

[Iris Lewinsky @1R_1S]

don't joke about that. an eleganza extravaganza killed my sister

[John Gloveman @SPSSS]

I genuinely believe God herself created Carly Rae Jepsen as a messiah figure, a universally perfect person. Something for us all to enjoy and strive to. Her personality could end wars.

[PrEP Easton Ellis @olvrkny]

“and its from call me maybe” i’m not sure i like your tone

[John Gloveman @SPSSS]

@kimpetras Yeeeee 💖

[VOIDFILL🕳️ @SOPROSOCIAL]

Going up to a woman and saying "cutie police! you're under arrest" and then pulling out a real loaded gun

[Siren Summoner @HXPERHAM]

Getting so tangled in the sex shop bead curtain that they have to put me down like a horse with a broken leg.

[Juror #3 @TH3LASTJED1]

I speak for everyone when I say that finding the balance between watching movies, watching tv shows, and playing video games is harder than any job

[the heart @Fredward3948576]

[to the bus driver as I’m exiting] you were like a father to me

[matt @mattybtweets69]

Bro last night was exactly as the prophecy foretold

[John Gloveman @SPSSS]

Is there an app that lets you simultaneously to Bluesky and the other one yet

[jack @jubilescent]

does anyone want to sublet my apartment for 3 weeks? i’m still living here but we can sleep in my bed together

[alfie @alfienxo]

please text me back i’m about to start making stuff up in my head and the stuff is all bad