SammichesPsychMeds

Surrounded by screaming kids, dog hair, cynicism, and $3 wine. Writer, editor, doer of inappropriate things.

[SammichesPsychMeds @SamPsychMeds]

My kid: Don't these murder shows give you nightmares?

Me: Oh, no. Mommy's dead on the inside, sweetie.

[Pregnancy & Newborn @pnmag]

Featuring tweets by: @WoodyLuvsCoffee @beingyelisa @Bottomofmypurse @21stcenturysahm @Lhlodder @LurkAtHomeMom @KateWouldHaveIt @mommy_cusses @simoncholland @ScarlettPosner @SamPsychMeds @ramblinma @MetteAngerhofer @lmegordon @maryfairybobrry @HenpeckedHal @TheCatWhisprer

[SammichesPsychMeds @SamPsychMeds]

17 Marriage Advice Tweets To Keep The Love Alive https://t.co/zb7SPu9HqM

[SammichesPsychMeds @SamPsychMeds]

What to Get Your Valentine Based on Her Astrology Sign https://t.co/xGA66I7Pa2

[SammichesPsychMeds @SamPsychMeds]

10 Valentines for Old Married People https://t.co/I4KjZby8yl

[SammichesPsychMeds @SamPsychMeds]

15 Honest Tweets About Valentine's Day: The Married Version https://t.co/QJDJb7Zmz1

[SammichesPsychMeds @SamPsychMeds]

How To Survive Insufferable Valentine's Day Posts On Facebook (That Could Have Been Texts) https://t.co/xrfVoSL5Ab

[SammichesPsychMeds @SamPsychMeds]

10 Valentine's Day Gifts to Buy Your Wife NOW To Avoid Ending Up At The Card Aisle Sausage Party https://t.co/hjt5J2aQIu

[SammichesPsychMeds @SamPsychMeds]

A Good Mom's Guide to Making Homemade Valentines https://t.co/XMj8znapsv

[SammichesPsychMeds @SamPsychMeds]

I LIVED IT: I Died and My Kids Still Asked Me for a Snack

"My middle child grabbed the Ouija board from the game closet, set it up in her bedroom, and summoned my ghost for some cheese." (On MockMom )

https://t.co/WzhoqoMNWB

[SammichesPsychMeds @SamPsychMeds]

My Kids Take Melatonin: Don’t Judge Me

Uh, yep. Just finished giving mine the same.

https://t.co/zssJAI9G51

[SammichesPsychMeds @SamPsychMeds]

Baby Shark Revealed to Be Love Child of Mama Shark and Mailman Shark

"Mama Shark broke my two-chambered heart. I just don’t know what to doo doo doo doo doo doo doo." (On MockMom )

https://t.co/anPvs6LZsP

[SammichesPsychMeds @SamPsychMeds]

How to Write a Work Email from Home

🤣🤣🤣 Every day. Work from home is super.

https://t.co/h4yVeKLkkQ

[SammichesPsychMeds @SamPsychMeds]

Negotiations in Elementary Cold Lunch Trade Deadlocked

"This is a clear attempt by Timmy to have his cookie and lick it, too." (On MockMom )

https://t.co/RpMmlOkbCZ

[SammichesPsychMeds @SamPsychMeds]

20 Hysterical Memes By People Who Hate Diet and Exercise As Much As You Do

This New Year's resolution was a mistake.

https://t.co/otKTviZlu6

[SammichesPsychMeds @SamPsychMeds]

Mom Takes Instant Pot Hysteria to New Level

"Melissa’s Roomba is rumored to talk and take orders from the instant pot, which may explain why the kitchen is now the only room with a clean floor." (On MockMom )

https://t.co/VaazyZWLoQ

[SammichesPsychMeds @SamPsychMeds]

House Hunters for New Parents: What the Show Should REALLY Say

"Workout studio: I wish HGTV would air an episode showing the wife using the treadmill as a clothing rack and their children using the $2,000 Bowflex as a rocket ship."

https://t.co/H0qUExqiKW

[SammichesPsychMeds @SamPsychMeds]

Five Tips for Raising Boys I Wish I Knew Sooner

"I can’t tell you how many times I’ve shaken my head as my boys wrestled to the ground or splashed each other in the face or insisted a hoodie qualified as a winter coat."

https://t.co/PCI1ximF56

[SammichesPsychMeds @SamPsychMeds]

Mom Credits Parent Newsletter for "Serious Wake-Up Call"

"Before you do anything with your child, and I mean anything, stop and ask yourself, ‘Did I read the online advice first?’" (on MockMom )

https://t.co/AEdfX2Tm1b

[SammichesPsychMeds @SamPsychMeds]

Hilarious Memes About How That "New Year, New You" Is Going

Swell! Just swell

https://t.co/b0cZz2DJbE

[SammichesPsychMeds @SamPsychMeds]

Five Sexy Moves to Kill the Mood

"Move #4: Take your pillow talk to a new level—by asking him to explain exactly what he meant when he made that offhand remark six hours earlier." (On MockMom )

https://t.co/FjVn8zFOfy