Scot Nery

I give entertaining people more impact and help impactful companies entertain

[brentbushnell @brentbushnell]

Run to get tickets for @ScotNery’s Boobietrap. The ultimate variety show of the incredible entertainers is back in LA and now on the Westside! https://t.co/YNdxOe4Shu

[Scot Nery @scotnery]

WE GOTTA PLOP! https://t.co/tC79Ukk2rI

[Scot Nery @scotnery]

Arlo <my son>: I need help, I hurt my finger
ME : (helping dislodge a Lego piece)
Arlo : I did it!
ME : you're right. Asking for help is a great way to do things.

[Scot Nery @scotnery]

Ventriloquists kiss & tell at once.

[Scot Nery @scotnery]

@CarlsbergUK yeah!

[Scot Nery @scotnery]

I could kill someone with my left pinky. Who has it?

[Scot Nery @scotnery]

it's 2025! Where's my tree museum?!

[Scot Nery @scotnery]

noticed: The most famous Morgan Is Free Man and the second most famous is Fair Child
...carry on...

[Scot Nery @scotnery]

I just "Nom" n ated some peanuts.

[Scot Nery @scotnery]

Today, all the resolution people are gone. You can go to the gym.

[Scot Nery @scotnery]

It's not about *what* I get out of a lecture. It's about *when*

[Scot Nery @scotnery]

Is it Black Friday yet? I wanna sleep on the street!

[Scot Nery @scotnery]

Lobbyist : buy-partisan

[Scot Nery @scotnery]

The "Alive" part of "Sexiest Man Alive" creeps me out a little.

[Scot Nery @scotnery]

"bitch please!" - complaint department

[Scot Nery @scotnery]

If you ask a rhetorical question, I'll give you a rhetorical response.

[Scot Nery @scotnery]

I went to sleep with my head under my pillow and woke up with a bunch of dollars in my mouth.

[Scot Nery @scotnery]

You know why footballs aren't circle shaped? If they were, the sport would be totally pointless.

[Scot Nery @scotnery]

My todo list says "allegedly" a lot. Am I a bad person?

[Scot Nery @scotnery]

The joke's on this moth. He thinks he can screw in a lightbulb.