ted

One time when I was 7 I laughed so hard my parents got divorced

[ted @shoveagrapeinme]

I don’t snore because I’m perfect and vice versa

[ted @shoveagrapeinme]

It’s like poop

[ted @shoveagrapeinme]

If u could even smell my kitchen 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😱😱🤫🤫🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭🤭

[ted @shoveagrapeinme]

Id like to tap dance to dula peeps Illusion song and motorboat her too and her breasts

[ted @shoveagrapeinme]

If I was a rug, I would be a girl rug

[ted @shoveagrapeinme]

HAPPY 7:23 on 7/23/23!!!!!!

[ted @shoveagrapeinme]

my toxic trait is truly believing wild animals know I love them and will be so sweet to them that they’ll come up and be my friend

[ted @shoveagrapeinme]

What if gods name was Jim

[ted @shoveagrapeinme]

@butthole_liquor This is a saga I didn’t know I needed.

[ted @shoveagrapeinme]

sometimes I love the sun so much i want to stare directly into it

[ted @shoveagrapeinme]

should we try astral sex?

[ted @shoveagrapeinme]

met 13 cats yesterday :-)

[ted @shoveagrapeinme]

can I have a sip of your ding dong (stawberry daiquiri)?

[ted @shoveagrapeinme]

i wish my cats had phones and i could text them and just be like hi little baby i love u kissy kissy moo moo i’ll be home soon

[ted @shoveagrapeinme]

watching dolphins as we speak!!!

[ted @shoveagrapeinme]

ive walked 2.5 miles today, met 5 cats and filled an entire grocery bag with gorgeous sea shells and it’s only 10:15 am

[ted @shoveagrapeinme]

i need a chili’s branded surfboard

[ted @shoveagrapeinme]

meee

[ted @shoveagrapeinme]

it’s sooooo silly how

[ted @shoveagrapeinme]

why aren’t ceiling tv’s more popular :(