smapdi

[smapdi @smapdi]

@worldofcrap I had a dream that I found an advance copy of the #Cyborg009 blu-ray at the grocery store in the meat aisle and it was 3 discs that were hamburger patties and you had to cook them to watch them

[smapdi @smapdi]

I just (virtually) tried on Vice Lipstick on Urban Decay’s site. https://t.co/uw0LdYMvqU Try some shades too! https://t.co/GkRsjylqH8 I am sad glitter princess

[smapdi @smapdi]

Oh also I had a dream promoting the toothpaste I've been using

[smapdi @smapdi]

I keep wearing this Clinique mascara i bought even though I'm allergic to it because it's just so nice and i'm not sure if that would be a good review or a bad review

[smapdi @smapdi]

patients come to my provider for nutritional counseling while this employee sits in the lobby eating an entire bag of jelly beans

[smapdi @smapdi]

Why are 100% of the people I know with vestibular neuritis smokin hot chicks. Hot chick disease??

[smapdi @smapdi]

I was with my mom in the mall yesterday checking out some dior eyeliner and she announced charitably that she'd "heard of that brand"

[smapdi @smapdi]

me going from the 4th floor to the 3rd floor to use bathroom, can't see open risers: la la la
coming back up to 4th floor, can see thru open risers down to 1st floor: AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

[smapdi @smapdi]

tfw you email your lab rep at 9:58pm and they write you back at 10:07pm bc you’re both hammered on workahol

[smapdi @smapdi]

@RyanSeacrest what time were you born??

[smapdi @smapdi]

Sally Hansen Insta-Dri nail polish is already accurately named but could also be called Sally Hansen Immedia-Chip

[Masa🌻 @hizaga]

The Japanese is more about saving toilet paper I think but I just love the English translation.

[smapdi @smapdi]

Why cant I call my local TV station and request a show when I can call my local radio station and request a song #DoubleStandards

[smapdi @smapdi]

update: I fucking blew it, she's my friend who hates steak. Knew I had one but couldn't remember who it was

[smapdi @smapdi]

My friend left me in a hotel room in her name and I ordered room service and I wanted to save some for her but the plate wouldn't fit in the fridge so I stuffed all the food in a coffee mug

[Ted Travelstead @trumpetcake]

be ur own secret santa with ambien and amazon

[smapdi @smapdi]

it's a comedy so get ready 2 laff 😂🍿

[smapdi @smapdi]

My upcoming art film is called Camerawoman Tragically Unable to Decide Which Direction The Camera Is Moving

[smapdi @smapdi]

@thelonelyisland happy birthday kiv this pic is 240p in honor of your early work

[smapdi @smapdi]

Gopros be like *beeps angrily*