shit my gf says

taylor says dumb shit

[shit my gf says @tayl0rsaysstuff]

me: oh no i forgot to put my la croix in the fridge!

taylor: you la idiot!

[shit my gf says @tayl0rsaysstuff]

Taylor is so forgetful that they had to learn twice that Betty White died

[shit my gf says @tayl0rsaysstuff]

me: "the cat is going flat butt mode"
taylor: "flut"
me:
taylor: "sounds like Mike Tyson saying slut"

[shit my gf says @tayl0rsaysstuff]

"what's that story called where they resurrect Frankenstein?"

[shit my gf says @tayl0rsaysstuff]

Taylor: *prompted by hoverboards* "there's so much stuff happening in this park, it's like an adhd wet dream"

[shit my gf says @tayl0rsaysstuff]

we're sooooo back people!!! stay tuned for more shit my gf says

[shit my gf says @tayl0rsaysstuff]

(because they eat so much red sauce with Taylor has a fear of ™ )

[shit my gf says @tayl0rsaysstuff]

"I'd die if I was Italian"

[shit my gf says @tayl0rsaysstuff]

"John Lennon was in the Beatles??"

[shit my gf says @tayl0rsaysstuff]

Taylor is such a himbo that they just called a "female himbo" a "herbo"

[shit my gf says @tayl0rsaysstuff]

*us playing poptropica for like 10 mins*
T: wait this isn't the game i meant?! what's the game where you're a pickle and you pop bubbles?
me: ??????????
T: oh Pickle Pop!

[shit my gf says @tayl0rsaysstuff]

i say *no* d e f i n i t e l y not, then Taylor proceeds to MAKE me look him up,,,,,,,

[shit my gf says @tayl0rsaysstuff]

taylor, completely out of the blue: ...do i look like Lord Farquaad? :(

[shit my gf says @tayl0rsaysstuff]

taylor: *farts* *it makes a spirited staccato noise*
taylor: ....it chortled

[katherine 🖤 @superstarlor]

me: you're so hot
Taylor: *whispers* i'm full of blood

[shit my gf says @tayl0rsaysstuff]

my gf: *has crisis because they've never seen the bottom of their belly button*

[shit my gf says @tayl0rsaysstuff]

me: *puts something in taylor's belly button*
taylor: what if it gets lost, what if it's cavernous in there

[shit my gf says @tayl0rsaysstuff]

me: you're so sexy
my gf, who just drank a bunch of apple juice: i'm full of apple juice