Tony Pizza (Totally Not Tony Rizzo)

Grinding, bro. 30 years. My parents were in The Godfather. (Tony Rizzo parody account. I will not actually fight you.)

[Tony Pizza (Totally Not Tony Rizzo) @TheRealTPizza]

@TheKardiac_Kid Kiddo, babe. This is Kristen, Tony’s new intern from Kent State.

Tony had seen so many of these posts, that he has assigned me full time to send his “don’t get hooked” tweetback.

Have a great day!

[Tony Pizza (Totally Not Tony Rizzo) @TheRealTPizza]

@Jeremyinakron17 Jaz, babe. If I’ve told you this once, I’ve told you this at least a million times since 1999.

Don’t get hooked.

Thanks.

[Tony Pizza (Totally Not Tony Rizzo) @TheRealTPizza]

@joycecalhio Joyce, babe. I did that shortly after he began cheerleading the sex pest. It has really enhanced my tweetback experience the two or three times I log on per month.

[Tony Pizza (Totally Not Tony Rizzo) @TheRealTPizza]

Folks, Myles also left a deep imprint on Mason Rudolph.

[Cleveland Browns @Browns]

Myles has left a deep imprint on our franchise, our fans and with the #DawgPound

[Tony Pizza (Totally Not Tony Rizzo) @TheRealTPizza]

@gabbgoudy Gabby, babe. With all duuuuuuuuue respect.

Berry more than made up for that by trading away THREE first round picks for an “alleged” serial sex offender who hadn’t played in almost two years.

Laser eyes, bro.

[Tony Pizza (Totally Not Tony Rizzo) @TheRealTPizza]

Folks, if you want to look at the bright side of the Myles Garrett trade, we are now at least 6% less likely to be maimed in a traffic crash on I-90 now.

[Tony Pizza (Totally Not Tony Rizzo) @TheRealTPizza]

@Jeremyinakron17 Jaz, babe. Breaking news.

[Tony Pizza (Totally Not Tony Rizzo) @TheRealTPizza]

@joycecalhio @Jeremyinakron17 Joyce, babe. Actions don’t mean anything. Look at Browns.

Thanks.

[Tony Pizza (Totally Not Tony Rizzo) @TheRealTPizza]

@joycecalhio Joyce, babe. The reading experience is enhanced when Division Bell is playing softly in the background.

Try again.

[Tony Pizza (Totally Not Tony Rizzo) @TheRealTPizza]

@joycecalhio Joyce, babe. Top 5 in the King collection. Probably top 3.

In no particular order, my other selections are:

The Stand
Pet Sematary
Different Seasons
Salems Lot

[Tony Pizza (Totally Not Tony Rizzo) @TheRealTPizza]

Folks, the Browns tied in their 2026 NFL schedule release with the 1987 video game, Street Fighter.

Grossi reports that this was meant to showcase two iconic franchises that were last worth spending money on in 1988.

[Tony Pizza (Totally Not Tony Rizzo) @TheRealTPizza]

@BurdsIVue Molly, babe. It’s always best to answer honestly in these situations.

A reporter from Youngstown asked me that same question during my press tour from Draft Day, and I said my favorite place was I-80 Westbound, to escape all these poors and retreat to my condo.

Thanks.

[Tony Pizza (Totally Not Tony Rizzo) @TheRealTPizza]

@joycecalhio Joyce, babe. I’m just upset that this Cavs win is going to hamper our OTA talks.

LOL!

The Cavs could win the NBA Championship and it wouldn’t hamper our OTA talks. Hell, the last time around, I was judging BBQ at Cedar Point.

Thanks.

[Tony Pizza (Totally Not Tony Rizzo) @TheRealTPizza]

@joycecalhio @EdGreenberger Joyce, babe. Clearly nobody organized a 1pm chant.

Could’ve made all the difference in the world.

Thanks.

[Tony Pizza (Totally Not Tony Rizzo) @TheRealTPizza]

Folks, it’s that time of year. We’re going to have wall to wall coverage on a draft for a football team that hasn’t appeared in a conference championship game since the 1980’s, while completely ignoring the basketball team that is currently in the playoffs.

GOOD TO BE ALIVE!

[Tony Pizza (Totally Not Tony Rizzo) @TheRealTPizza]

@joycecalhio @Jeremyinakron17 Joyce, babe. After 15 years of this reign of terror, I don’t think anyone needs a reminder.

Thanks.

[Tony Pizza (Totally Not Tony Rizzo) @TheRealTPizza]

@joycecalhio Joyce, babe. Really, the only name change I ever heard about was when Aaron bitched that I was changing “The Golden Boyz” to “Next Level,” and bringing him back as a sidekick.

Thanks.

[Tony Pizza (Totally Not Tony Rizzo) @TheRealTPizza]

@joycecalhio @adamthebull Joyce, babe. Grossi reports that Vrabes HAS gained a massive advantage in his sex role, though.

Glass half full.

[Tony Pizza (Totally Not Tony Rizzo) @TheRealTPizza]

@joycecalhio Joyce, babe. Have I ever told you the Kokinis Story?

[Tony Pizza (Totally Not Tony Rizzo) @TheRealTPizza]

@Jeremyinakron17 Jaz, babe. For the love of all that is holy.

Did you get hacked again?

Did your brilliant game playing provide you a new house and watch? Do you have a game playing “advisor” that will make my dreams come true?

I don’t think I can do this again, bro.