Toilet Tweets

shitty jokes

[Toilet Tweets @TurdTweetin]

@TomBrady Pretty shit swing there Tombo

[Toilet Tweets @TurdTweetin]

If you stand on a toilet you’re probably high on pot.

[Toilet Tweets @TurdTweetin]

@AlaskaAir We were on flight 851 for almost 5 hours then it got cancelled because of mechanical issues now we are on 145 and it still hasn’t taken off. We got on this plane 4 hours ago.

[Toilet Tweets @TurdTweetin]

I haven’t ever seen anyone take as big of shit as the saints just did. #pray4neworleans

[Dale @stlsaint]

<calls radio station>

Me: I’d like to dedicate that song “wake me up before you go go”

RS: Great! Who is the lucky lady?

Me: My bladder.

RS: ........

Me: HELLO?!?

[Toilet Tweets @TurdTweetin]

Surprising fact poop joke aren’t my favorite but that are my number two!

[Toilet Tweets @TurdTweetin]

@LadyM_07 Glass of wine will do bad things to your toilet the next day

[Toilet Tweets @TurdTweetin]

Good morning world! No get the fuck out of my way need to take a shit

[Toilet Tweets @TurdTweetin]

We have smart homes but when are we going to start including the toilet into them

[Toilet Tweets @TurdTweetin]

Sitting on the toilet watching the CFP halftime show and lil Wayne looks like a cross between the hamburgler and my grandma

[Toilet Tweets @TurdTweetin]

@BarstoolBigCat Care to comment?

[Toilet Tweets @TurdTweetin]

How often do you put a tampon in your butt to stop leakage? Be honest...

[Toilet Tweets @TurdTweetin]

Recapping the NFL games this weekend from the toilet this morning who shat the bed more Seahawks or Bears?

[Toilet Tweets @TurdTweetin]

@skoch1024 You okay?

[Toilet Tweets @TurdTweetin]

@adriana_559 You probably need to empty your bowels or bladder

[Toilet Tweets @TurdTweetin]

Life happens between your search for the next toilet to sit on

[Toilet Tweets @TurdTweetin]

@aiathaman I got the same text but I was naked on the toilet about to slip into a bath tub. #soberlife

[Toilet Tweets @TurdTweetin]

Comically relief on the toilet

[Toilet Tweets @TurdTweetin]

Greatest hype song before pinching one off to the porcelain king.... ready go