secret

[secret @ubec]

"I think we should feel other people." (Blind couple breaking up.) http://t.co/nKc5YTunyK

[secret @ubec]

http://t.co/q8SpqZxHey When I ride alone with a random guy in an elevator I'll wait a sec then ask "two man killing spree?"

[secret @ubec]

I never drop names but I frequently drop babies. http://t.co/8RofuK2UtD

[secret @ubec]

http://t.co/NodbomZ55j Thursday is "date night", when I force my family to eat all the expired food in our fridge.

[secret @ubec]

No matter how many times I call the hospital to complain, they won't recall my baby. http://t.co/nymGy7Wfj5

[secret @ubec]

I bet when you go to hell they make you wear your hair like you did in 5th grade http://t.co/KvUKm0ijYJ

[secret @ubec]

http://t.co/xlwFkTRSiE Dad: i don't know why you wear a bra-you've got nothing to put in it. MUM: you wear pants don't you?

[secret @ubec]

http://t.co/P9gqRNhyuC It's wisest to pick the side of the person who knows the most shit about you

[secret @ubec]

Do hipster chicks wear sweatpants that say "DRY" on the butt? http://t.co/eDjABfPl

[secret @ubec]

http://t.co/pJTjeL7S "She had a heart of gold." - autopsy report

[secret @ubec]

Purell is 99.8% effective in reminding you about your paper cut. http://t.co/MtqWqHXi

[secret @ubec]

Raspberry Keytone http://t.co/6ff6lyIp

[secret @ubec]

I show you how single moms and teenagers are making big money from home! This thing changed my life http://t.co/KWi8oiNa

[secret @ubec]

New Weight Loss Craze Raspberry Ketones Diet http://t.co/bBGEXcAs

[secret @ubec]

http://t.co/E8n6rENR Just when I think I've run out of tweets, I come up with this one.

[secret @ubec]

This thing changed my life. Learn how http://t.co/YttkC71M

[secret @ubec]

http://t.co/Kvmyx0ry Don't forget about bald guys living vicariously through their beards.

[secret @ubec]

@Candurz @Angerigwapa @dreyee lushoooo!!! hahaha

[secret @ubec]

pls save the sharks.. - powered by leonardo dicaprio

[secret @ubec]

@Angerigwapa pareha man gud mig nawng nay angle gamay hahaha