Allison Wruk

bacon eating vegetarian

[Fifty Shades of Whey @davenewworld_2]

A pregnant woman in Dallas was pulled over for using the HOV lane and is arguing that her unborn fetus should count as a passenger because of Texas' abortion laws. Let the mental gymnastics begin.

[Jennifer Wright @JenAshleyWright]

Brett Kavanaugh can still eat at restaurants in other states, I don’t know why he’s so upset.

[. @MarisaKabas]

by their logic, if supreme court justices don’t want to be bothered at dinner, maybe they just shouldn’t go out to dinner

[Allison Wruk @wittybitch]

I want that zucchini fries and ranch from the Astro burger by the paramount lot in the morning kind of of love

[Allison Wruk @wittybitch]

It sounds like 2013 was simply a horrible time to buy a home w/o signs of cannibalism in LA

[Allison Wruk @wittybitch]

Women only age faster than men because men make us cry so much

[Lynda Carter @RealLyndaCarter]

One of my millennial friends who taught me all about memes just texted me this… Ha!

[Shannon Watts @shannonrwatts]

It’s not SSRIs. Iceland: biggest user of antidepressants; low rates of gun violence.

It’s not video games. Japan: among the largest markets for video games; low rates of gun violence.

It’s not weed. Israel: biggest user of cannabis; low rates of gun violence.

It’s the guns.

[Allison Wruk @wittybitch]

@CountFabulouss The power of the Capri room

[Allison Wruk @wittybitch]

But other than all that what’s more American than doing a piss poor job of speaking French?

[Allison Wruk @wittybitch]

Is there anything more American than poorly speaking French?

[Allison Wruk @wittybitch]

And not having ownership of your own womb and being forced to have a child*

[Allison Wruk @wittybitch]

And not having access to affordable healthcare*

[BNO News @BNONews]

Google's 4th of July tribute goes wrong when page is overtaken by news of mass shooting

[Allison Wruk @wittybitch]

Alexis Niers and her mom taught me the true cost if little brown Bebe shoes

29 dollars!!!

[amelia elizalde @ameliaelizalde]

its so funny that if you get famous u have to be nice to james corden

[Allison Wruk @wittybitch]

My ultimate goal is just to be one of those celebs they cut to in the audience at the VMA’s bopping to a performance

[Allison Wruk @wittybitch]

My toxic trait is reposting an Instagram recipe and saying to the world “I’m making this tomorrow! Can’t wait to share” and then simply not doing it

[Allison Wruk @wittybitch]

@Shawn33Larson33 And they have to live in her scary rat house and do forced dance instagrams with her and can only eat Harry’s Bolognese

A hellscape but it has legs

[Allison Wruk @wittybitch]

What ever happened to that girl who was the “star” of cats the movie? The blonde? Where is she