Eliza

[Eliza @_ElizaChavez]

New coworkers seem drawn to me for relationship advice & I’m not sure when I should break it to them that they’re seeking advice from someone who dated a guy that needed to be talked out of spending rent money on a Madden tattoo.

[Eliza @_ElizaChavez]

@saraplusw SAME. Pure Exvangelical comedic gold.

[Eliza @_ElizaChavez]

Not a man I’ve gone on three dates with casually saying “I used to only date girls who are 10’s but I’ll NEVER do that again.”

[Eliza @_ElizaChavez]

I’ve had one glass of wine and now I’m just crying about how much I love my niece and nephew what has being an aunt done to my robot heart??????

[Eliza @_ElizaChavez]

@Mel_B104 Yes x1000 to this. Love you.

[Eliza @_ElizaChavez]

I’m just a girl, standing in front of a boy, asking him to not explain what first down is. 🏈

[Eliza @_ElizaChavez]

@Mel_B104 So good. Should I have listened to it on my way to work? NOPE. Should I have known that by the title “Sob Rock”? YEP.

[Eliza @_ElizaChavez]

@Andrew_Puccio Listen, no one is more disappointed in me than I am.

[Eliza @_ElizaChavez]

OH MY GOD for years I just accepted the fact that I would never be able to tell Donald Glover and Childish Gambino apart. I will see myself out.

[Eliza @_ElizaChavez]

@Andrew_Puccio Yay! One year of my thirties has already trumped the entirety of my twenties… Enjoy! 🥳

[Colleen @Coll3enG]

Me 🤝 Taylor Swift

Having beef with every man I’ve ever met except for whichever one I’m currently sleeping with

[Eliza @_ElizaChavez]

Oh good I just received my drunken Amazon order of a 21-piece citrus cutter set and a 3 month supply of cheese balls.

[Eliza @_ElizaChavez]

@MaryKateSteele https://t.co/7zpo6kQI6q

[Eliza @_ElizaChavez]

Ugh I am so impressed with/jealous of anyone who can do the Buss It Challenge because Lord knows these rickety old kneecaps could NEVER.

[Eliza @_ElizaChavez]

I’ve come here to say that I, Eliza Chávez, on January 15th in the year of our Lord 2021, just realized that The Godfather and The Sopranos are two different things.

[Eliza @_ElizaChavez]

@KarinaMia OH OKAY 🥵

[Eliza @_ElizaChavez]

LMFAOO everyone is always doing altos dirty

[soul nate @MNateShyamalan]

composer of carol of the bells: i’ve written a haunting melody for the sopranos

altos: what about us?

composer: [spitting on them] pretend you’re a bell, you fucking clowns

[Eliza @_ElizaChavez]

Grown adults that just “don’t like water” is really upsetting me lately. You have to like it... it’s water.... this is a non negotiable... why are you fighting this???

[Eliza @_ElizaChavez]

@KarinaMia Has not mattered for me personally and does not matter when I’m recruiting/hiring. Also has not mattered in the grand scheme of adding meaning/value to my life other than that I met lovely people who impacted my life positively (but that shouldn’t have cost thousands of dollars).

[Eliza @_ElizaChavez]

Men really have the audacity to say whatever dumb shit comes to mind all day every day, and I’m over here googling words that I already know the meaning of before I say them outloud JUST TO DOUBLE CHECK????????????????? HOW IS THAT FAIR???????¿