Mr. Compress

Magic is real! Only requires one arm to do it! (MTA parody account)

[Mr. Compress @_MrCompress_]

(Hey guys! Just so you know I’m now @ShinsouSleepy ! I switched accounts so go follow me there!!)

[Mr. Compress @_MrCompress_]

It’s ok to be gay

[Mr. Compress @_MrCompress_]

@OjiroTheTail Totally! Warm or cold?

[Mr. Compress @_MrCompress_]

Funny

[Mr. Compress @_MrCompress_]

I have an extremely low attention span, so I can’t do dad jokes anymore

[Mr. Compress @_MrCompress_]

@mrexplodytits @Uravitea2 Oh wait I think I know who it was, I’ll get rid of them no problem

[Mr. Compress @_MrCompress_]

My wife is really mad at the fact that I have no sense of direction. So I packed up my stuff and right

[Mr. Compress @_MrCompress_]

I don’t trust stairs, their always up to something

[Mr. Compress @_MrCompress_]

@eraserhead69xxx This guy gets it

[Mr. Compress @_MrCompress_]

What kind of shoes to ninjas wear?
Sneakers

[Mr. Compress @_MrCompress_]

@ohhshidooo @ClassRep_Iida Yeah me too *pulls out crossbow*

[Mr. Compress @_MrCompress_]

@himikoparody *rapid breathing*

[Mr. Compress @_MrCompress_]

@grapeheadlad Not for the same reason, you disgusting grape, I use it because I’m literally a villain, I’m not taking any risks

[Mr. Compress @_MrCompress_]

I’m this fucking close, I’ll fucking do it

[Mr. Compress @_MrCompress_]

I used to hate facial hair, but then it grew on me

[Mr. Compress @_MrCompress_]

When you have an uncomfortable talk with a hawk it’s hawkward
(Also happy birthday to my assistant)

[Mr. Compress @_MrCompress_]

How do you make a dead baby float?
2 scoops of soda water and a dead baby

[Mr. Compress @_MrCompress_]

Why can’t bikes stand on their own? Because their two tired

[Mr. Compress @_MrCompress_]

A man walks into a bar with a slab of asphalt under his arm, he says “I’ll take one, and another for the road!”

[Mr. Compress @_MrCompress_]

@Good_Guy_Googly So your the one that murdered tume