Sam Stephen

I play synths and guitars for the band HUE(s) and various indie artists... I like beer, whisk(e)y, and pipes... That’s all ya need to know 😎

[Sam Stephen @_Sam_Stephen_]

The fact that there’s a street near my home called Van Houten, but no cross street called Van Hollerin is truly heartbreaking to my keen dad joke sensibilities

[Sam Stephen @_Sam_Stephen_]

You see, the problem isn’t that I spent WAY too much money on deli fresh pastrami & Swiss cheese.

It’s that I assumed I’d have the self-control to not eat it all within 10min of arriving home.

[Sam Stephen @_Sam_Stephen_]

I love it when people say things like “6am in the morning”

Oh, thanks for clarifying. I thought you meant 6am at night.

[Sam Stephen @_Sam_Stephen_]

My kid: Hey dad, when are you gonna be done in your studio?

Me: As soon as I get these cables coiled up, bud.

Kid: Oh, that sounds like it’ll take a while…

Me: It’ll go faster if I have help.

Kid: *fades out of the room like Homer Simpson into the hedges*

[Sam Stephen @_Sam_Stephen_]

I just typed “ruh roh” in a text, and my phone corrected it to “Rub Rob” and I didn’t catch it before sending.

So looks I’ll be having anxiety about that for the rest of my life.

[Sam Stephen @_Sam_Stephen_]

Good ol’ Mike Roesoft done us dirty today, huh…

[Sam Stephen @_Sam_Stephen_]

I wanna start a band called Creezer, where it’s Weezer songs, done in the style of Creed.

[Sam Stephen @_Sam_Stephen_]

I will legitimately interrupt myself mid-sentence to sing along with my favorite instrumental solos or lyrics of songs I love.

I am *that* friend.

[Sam Stephen @_Sam_Stephen_]

He’s a 10, but he always has to return some video tapes.

[Sam Stephen @_Sam_Stephen_]

I’m not in bad shape, but I am at the age where exiting my car necessitates a deep groan, followed by a big stretch.

[Sam Stephen @_Sam_Stephen_]

Friend: “Oh hey man, how you been?!”

Me, pouring Cholula on a peanut butter cookie:
“Oh ya know… Livin’ the Dream.”

[Sam Stephen @_Sam_Stephen_]

Sometimes, all it takes to make the day better is a good “So I Married an Axe Murderer” quote sesh with a good friend ���

[Sam Stephen @_Sam_Stephen_]

My toxic trait is not being hungry, but ordering 6 crunchy tacos from Taco Bell, with Diablo sauce, simply because of nostalgia and the fact that I was very hungry and drove by an open Taco Bell.

[Sam Stephen @_Sam_Stephen_]

*Sees a twenty-something wearing a Nirvana t-shirt*

“If you’re such a fan, name 4 of their studio albums”

[Sam Stephen @_Sam_Stephen_]

Relationship with Uber Eats Driver:

“It’s Complicated”

[Sam Stephen @_Sam_Stephen_]

I have done absolutely and utterly *nothing* today, and it is every tiny little bit as glorious as Peter Gibbons told me it would be in 1999

[Sam Stephen @_Sam_Stephen_]

Customer signed off an email today with
“Be well,” but didn’t finish it with
“John Spartan,” and now my whole day is ruined.

#demolitionman

[Sam Stephen @_Sam_Stephen_]

Pop Tarts needs to have a doughnut flavor and call them Cop Tarts, and stock every patrol car with them.

I’m ready to be hired now, Kellogg’s.

[Sam Stephen @_Sam_Stephen_]

San Diegans when there’s a “severe” thunderstorm warning…

[Sam Stephen @_Sam_Stephen_]

A rival dad’s wife complimented my hat right in front of him while I was dropping my son off at school this morning.

#RIP