Sam Ashby

writer. comedian. human.

[Sam Ashby @_SamAshby]

FORESHADOWING

[Sam Ashby @_SamAshby]

Im worried for the people boasting ab #BuyNothingDay. I hope they dont dislocate their shoulder from all the patting themselves on the back

[Sam Ashby @_SamAshby]

BREAKING:

@realDonaldTrump to offer free tuition for all graduating high schoolers... to #TrumpUniversity

[Sam Ashby @_SamAshby]

I think we're all going to drown by the rising sea level before the Rolling Stones stop touring.

[Sam Ashby @_SamAshby]

Really wish this pizza would get here faster so I can take my pants off.

[Sam Ashby @_SamAshby]

SEIZE THE DAY!*

*within your fiscal and budgetary constraints

[Sam Ashby @_SamAshby]

Hey @DougBenson it's been a while since I've seen #TheThing but I don't remember these plot details.

[Sam Ashby @_SamAshby]

"EU? More like pee you!"- UK #brexit

[Huntsville Comedy @hsvcomedy]

FREE! Teen writers workshop tomorrow! Check it out!

[Sam Ashby @_SamAshby]

hey @bertkreischer you're fat

[Sam Ashby @_SamAshby]

Being outside, sitting by a pool and drinking beer with your friends does wonders for the soul.

[igorvolsky @igorvolsky]

Here is every senator who voted against expanding background checks following this year's 355th mass shooting:

[Sam Ashby @_SamAshby]

hey @Msldemarco, i love your music. thank you. hope to see you on tour some time soon.

[Huntsville Comedy @hsvcomedy]

What's Up? May 16 - May 27 https://t.co/Rg3XQxd1BG #HuntsvilleAL #HSVcomedy

[Sam Ashby @_SamAshby]

One thing I'm learning from this whole #transgenderbathroom issue is apparently, all men are pedophiles.

[Sam Ashby @_SamAshby]

Journalists who approach @realDonaldTrump trying to be "objective" are part of the problem. Call him out on his bullshit.

[Sam Ashby @_SamAshby]

The only thing to keep me up tonight after working a double today would be a new @radiohead album. Oh shit, what do ya know!? #NowListening

[Sam Ashby @_SamAshby]

#DayDreaming by @radiohead hit me right in the gut. I think it's about expectations vs. reality. Both in a personal sense and societal sense

[Sam Ashby @_SamAshby]

@realDonaldTrump loves Hispanics so much he'll build a wall to keep them out. Because America doesn't deserve them.